


Not everything is as it seems

by Simbanrat



Series: Not everything is as it seems [1]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Violence, Heavy Angst, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:35:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 24,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24341428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simbanrat/pseuds/Simbanrat
Summary: Ben is always covered in bruises, his family think he's just really good at starting fights.
Relationships: Ben Mitchell/Original Male Character(s), Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: Not everything is as it seems [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1781023
Comments: 81
Kudos: 224





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for domestic violence and lots of Ben angst. Don't read if it's a trigger for you.

Ben Mitchell was always getting himself in scrapes, pissing off the wrong people and goading strangers into punching him. Most people looked at him and rolled their eyes, that bloody Ben causing trouble again. There wasn’t a week that went by that he didn’t have a new cut eyebrow, a split lip or a black eye. People around him accepted that that was what he was like, it was just the way he looked now, a fat lip wasn’t out of place on his face. It was all put down to an attitude problem, going out of his way to provoke people, and there was rarely a person that could resist the urge to smack him about. Ben wished it wasn’t his boyfriend though. 

What people didn’t know was that most of the time it wasn’t strangers Ben had pissed off. It wasn’t somebody he had got in the face of, winding them up and causing trouble. Pretty much most of the cuts, bruises, cracked ribs and that one broken wrist was thanks to the man that all of Ben’s family and friends loved. Ben simply made a show of causing trouble to hide the truth, it was some guy in a bar that gave him the bloody nose, not the man who claimed to love him. 

Everyone loved Michael, they were always telling Ben how lucky he was to have such a great guy, someone who puts up with his dodgy deals, smart mouth and attitude. Michael was friendly and charming. When Ben introduced him to his family for the first time they all adored him straight away. His mum kept telling him that he needed to quit with his dodgy stuff, stop getting into fights and concentrate on his boyfriend, if he didn’t stop causing trouble he was going to lose him. Ben just nodded his head and agreed, never letting on about what was really going on behind closed doors. 

Ben had had a difficult life and had always been a victim of violence. He figured that’s why he wasn’t that bothered about being hurt now, he was just used to it. There was always someone there to abuse him, bully him or beat him. In his own mind he thought the violence was normal, it was all people wanted to do towards him. His dad had hit him, his step mum abused him, he was bullied by his school friends, terrorised in prison and beaten by bigots. Why should he expect anything else when most of the people throughout his life acted the same way towards him. 

The first time Michael hit him he didn’t know whether to be surprised or not. It had been for something silly, something that Ben couldn’t even remember the reason for, but he remembered the sting on his cheek from where Michael’s open hand slapped harshly across his face. His eyes stung with tears from the jolt and he brought his own hand up to hold at the now warm skin. He looked at Michael who was looking back at him. He seemed more surprised than Ben that he had hit him. He swore he had never done anything like that before, and he would never do anything like that again. Ben didn’t know how to feel that he had brought out the violence in his boyfriend, probably resigned. He figured he just had one of those faces that people wanted to hit. 

The times that Ben had got himself into a fight in a bar or club, he would try to fight back, it was nearly always pointless. As much bravado as he had, he wasn’t really a fighter and was much more used to being the punchbag. He would take a swing and get the odd punch in, but generally he would nearly always come off worse. That’s why the bruises from Michael weren’t out of the ordinary. Ben might not be out causing the bar fights anymore, but he was still picking up the bruises, it’s just that nobody else knew their origins. Ben never fought back when his boyfriend hit him, he just accepted that he had done something wrong and he had to be punished. It was the story of his life really. 

His dad hit him because he wasn’t right, he wasn’t the proper boy that he could be proud of. He’d try and knock the gay out of him, never very violent, but harsh enough. Stella would abuse him because he was in the way and was an inconvenience to hers and Phil’s new life together. The bullies at school attacked him because he was a weird kid, not fitting in with the rest of his peers, anyone a little different was always a target in the school playground. Prison was prison, anyone and everyone was at risk in there. Unless you managed to get yourself in with the main gang, it was open season. He was always going to end up beaten in there, especially when they found out he was gay. Being gay was a whole extra reason for violence, whether it was his dad or the idiots in prison. Not to mention the overly hetro men, trying to prove a point, and seemed to be offended by Ben’s existence in the world. How dare he walk into a bar and flirt with other men, of course he deserved a kicking for daring to be himself in public. 

With a history like his, it wasn’t surprising that Ben was going to end up in an abusive relationship. His whole life he felt like the only thing he was good for was to hit. He didn’t want it to happen, but he accepted it. As far as he was concerned, this was the way that the people who brought him up showed they cared. At least with Michael there was some gentle and tender moments to balance out the punches and kicks. The time he had told Ben he had put on weight, and had grabbed and pinched at the skin on his hip hard enough to bruise, and imprint his nails into the flesh, he had apologised later, kissing tenderly at the ugly purple mark. He had given him a fantastic blowjob after, making Ben forget the pain and the feelings of inadequacy, Michael whispering into his ear afterwards how beautiful he was. 

Ben was covered in bruises so often that his family just stopped asking what he had done, rolling their eyes instead, assuming he was to blame and had gotten into yet another bar brawl. It allowed the abusive relationship to continue unchecked.


	2. Chapter 2

The first time Ben met Callum Highway it was at the E20. Ben was there with Michael, Jay and Lola, and went to the bar to get a round in, Callum was stood there waiting for a blind date to arrive. Ben spotted a space by the bar, and manoeuvred himself into it, accidentally bumping into a tall man who was looking at his phone and spilled his drink. On being knocked, Callum looked up to see who had disturbed him and he came face to face with someone who took his breath away. The man was shorter than him, but had beautiful blue eyes not dissimilar to his own, short hair brushed to one side, adorable freckles on his nose and a cheeky smirk on face. He also had what looked like a fading bruise on his cheek, but Callum thought it could just be a trick of the light in the dark club. 

“Sorry about that” the stranger said to him, gesturing to the spilled beer on the bar, “didn’t get on your phone did it?”. “No it’s fine, no harm done” Callum reassured him. “Let me get you another drink, to replace that one….” Ben lifted an inquisitive eyebrow, waiting for the other man to fill in the blank, without missing a beat Callum replied “Callum, I’m Callum” and he stuck his hand out smiling broadly. Ben looked at the hand and put his own out to meet it, “Ben” he offered in return, shaking the taller man’s hand. “So another beer then Callum?”, Callum nodded his head and pointed to the beer tap to show what he was drinking.

Callum started to think that he didn’t need this blind date he was meant to be meeting. His friend Tina had set him up, saying that this guy was perfect for him, he was cute, friendly and fit. But Callum decided that this Ben met all three of those descriptions, so what did need to meet this other guy for. He was just about to ask Ben to join him for the drink he was buying him, when another guy came up and stood behind him. He put his hand on Ben’s shoulder, and Callum noticed he jumped a little at the contact. The other guy put his other hand on Ben’s hip and leant in to say something in his ear. 

Ben closed his eyes for an instant, then opened them and said to the other man “This is Callum, I spilt his drink so I’m buying him another one” he then gestured to man, “This is my boyfriend Michael” he said to Callum. Callum felt his heart sink. Damn, he met someone he fancied and he was already with someone, wasn’t that just typical. And this guy was handsome too. Taller than Ben, maybe even taller than himself, lovely green eyes, floppy dark hair and cute dimples when he smiled, which is what he was doing now, smiling at Callum with his hands somewhat possessively still on his boyfriend. Not that Callum blamed him, he’s not sure he could keep his hands off Ben either if he was given the chance. 

“Hey” Michael said as he nodded his head at Callum in greeting, “Sorry about his one, he’s a clumsy guy” he admitted as he wrapped his arms around Ben, “Always making a mess somewhere aren’t you baby” he continued as he pressed a small kiss to Ben’s temple. “Yeah, bull in a china shop me” Ben agreed with a dopey grin on his face. “It’s fine” Callum replied, “Only a bit of beer innit”. Just as Callum was about to ask the couple how long they had been together, a man came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder, “Callum?” He asked, and Callum turned around to look who was there. 

The guy was cute, not as cute as Ben, but he was ok. He had a lovely smile though and Callum could see why Tina had thought this guy was a good option for him. “I’m Rob” he said as he lent in to give Callum a kiss on the cheek. “We’ll leave you to it then” Callum heard someone say as he was kissed, he turned around to see who it was and it was Michael, “Nice to meet you Callum” he said, then turned to Ben and said “Come on baby, lets get back to our table”, and he guided Ben away from the bar, back over to a table that other people were sat at. 

Callum was gutted they had run off so fast , he knew they were together, but he couldn’t help but wish he could know more about the cute guy with the blue eyes. He shook himself out of his funk and turned back to his date for the evening. He needed to give this guy a chance, even if he had arrived just a few minutes too late. Callum ordered him a beer and they got chatting easily, seemingly having a lot in common. Tina was right, he was cute and friendly, but Callum kept feeling his gaze being drawn back over to the other side of the room, looking to see where Ben was. When he looked he could see Michael never let go of him, whether it was a hand on his shoulder or on his thigh. Once he looked and Ben looked back at him, surprised to see the other man looking, he smiled shyly and looked down to where Michael’s hand was gripping onto his knee. The couple seemed engrossed with the other people sitting at their table, a platinum blonde girl and a slightly ginger guy who were all over each other. 

Callum tried to concentrate on the guy, oh what was his name, but his heart wasn’t in it. This poor guy deserved better, so Callum feigned illness and asked him if he would be interested in meeting another time instead? Hopefully a time when Callum wasn’t going to be constantly looking for someone else he thought to himself. Luckily the other man agreed and they both went to leave, Callum heading home and the other guy wherever the hell he was going to go. 

Ben looked up just as the men were walking away from the bar. Callum looked back at him and smiled as he left, and as Ben looked back towards the group he was with, he could feel his boyfriend’s eyes boring into him, and feel the grip of the hand on his leg getting even tighter. 


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as they got in the flat and shut the door Michael turned round and pinned Ben up against it, his forearm pressing up against his throat and his hand gripping at Ben’s hip, pinning him in place. Ben was expecting this, he knew his boyfriend, could tell he was worked up and knew from his possessive actions at E20 that this was where the evening was going to end up. It was his own fault, chatting with another guy was stupid, he knew better, but the guy at the bar had been nice. He was cute, had a lovely smile and was friendly, in another life he would have asked him out, if he hadn’t already been with Michael. You end up with the person you deserve, this is what Ben deserved, not Callum. 

“What was that” Michael demanded, getting right in Ben’s face, angrily wanting to know why his boyfriend was flirting with someone else. Ben tried to pull the arm away from his throat, tried to let a bit of air in so he could answer the question. Michael relented and loosened the pressure, allowing Ben a breath. “I just bought him a drink because I spilled his, I wasn’t trying it on with him I swear”, Ben managed to get out. “You kept looking at him, I saw you”, Michael crowded in closer to Ben’s face, Ben could feel the warm breath on his face and could feel the possessive hand gripping his hip getting tighter. He knew he was going to end up with a bruise there, but hoped his neck would escape the same fate. 

“I was just looking around the room, I wasn’t looking at him, I wouldn’t, I’m with you” Ben pleaded. Michael considered it for a minute and moved back, removing both the arm from Ben’s neck and hand from his hip. He looked at his boyfriend for a minute and went to walk away, seemingly satisfied with the answer. Ben let out a breath and allowed himself to relax, thinking Michael had calmed down, but all of a sudden he turned round and grabbed at Ben’s face, he felt his head being pushed back and it banged against the door. “Don’t you ever look at another guy again, you’re MY boyfriend, you belong to ME, do you understand”, Michael’s fingers gripped at Ben’s chin and he made sure his face was looking directly at him. Ben’s eyes were wide and he nodded his understanding, “I swear Mike” he placated him. “Good, now lets go to bed”, Michael said as he let go of Ben’s face and leaned in to place a gentle kiss on his lips, “come on baby” he said as he took Ben’s hand and lead him to the bedroom. 

Sex with Michael was always good, whether it was hard and angry or soft and gentle. It seemed lately that it was more angry than soft though, Ben knew he was the cause, always doing something to make his boyfriend angry, giving him a reason to be hard, Ben thought he deserved it most of the time. After the club incident it was gentle, Michael apparently got the anger out of his system when they first got home. Now he was apologising, gently kissing up and down Ben’s body, taking extra care to concentrate more on his hip and throat, trying to repair the damage he had caused earlier. 

Ben liked it when it was like this, slow and tender, it didn’t happen often. Even before he got together with Michael it was casual hook ups, fast hand jobs in club toilets and knee tremblers in alleyways. He never felt that connection with the people he slept with, never believing he was worthy of the love that came with a real relationship. When he first slept with Michael it felt real, they took their time and spent most of the night exploring each other. Ben coming deep into his boyfriend’s body and leaning down to kiss him. They laid together in each others arms, stroking each others skin. Ben finally felt like somebody cared about him for the first time in his life, wondering if it was what love could feel like. 

A year after that first time, he was here now, being ‘loved’ by his boyfriend, a slap or punch which was usually followed by sex. They both came and fell asleep together, Ben wrapped in Michael’s arms, feeling safe and cared for. He loved feeling like this, protected and secure, closely cocooned by someone who said they loved him. Michael loved laying like this too, holding his boyfriend and keeping him in place, keeping him where he wanted him and not letting him get away. 

In the morning Ben woke up on his back, he looked down his body and saw Michael’s arm thrown over his stomach, even in his sleep he was subconsciously keeping his hands on him. Ben smiled to himself, thinking it was sweet that his boyfriend wanted to keep touching him and having contact through the night. He sat up, gently removing the arm from his stomach, placing it on the bed and leaned over to place a kiss on Michael’s face. He then went to get out of bed and felt a stiffness in his hip. He looked down and saw an ugly hand print on his skin, especially dark was a thumb shaped mark right over where his hip bone was. Ben let his head drop down and rested his chin on his chest to take a deep breath for a second before realising he had pain in neck too. He remembered the arm up against his throat, remembered that he struggled to breathe and he dejectedly went to a mirror to see what the damage was. 

He stood in the bathroom and lifted his chin, pleased to see that there wasn’t really a mark. It must have just bruised on the inside. He was thankful that he didn’t need to come up with a ‘just in case’ excuse on the off chance someone asked him what happened. Not that that was likely, it had been months now since anyone had checked if he was ok. Everyone expected him to have bruises on him, he’d made damn sure that his family and friends were aware of his many run ins with randomers, bringing them up often as a cover story. The only evidence from his and Michael’s argument was the mark on his hip, which didn’t matter as nobody else was going to see it anyway. 


	4. Chapter 4

As Ben was looking at himself in the mirror, he saw Micheal walking up behind him in the reflection, he smiled at him and said good morning. Michael came up close, placed his hand gently on Ben’s bruised hip and rested his chin on the shorter man’s shoulder. “good morning baby” he breathed into Ben’s good ear and placed a tender kiss on his neck, he then wrapped his arms around him and breathed in the smell of Ben’s hair. They both looked at their reflections in the mirror and smiled at each other. A perfect picture of happy bliss, half asleep, ruffled hair, skin on skin. If Ben could take a photo of this moment he would, looking contented with a handsome man wrapped around him. He wished it could be like this all the time, gentle and caring, but if he looked too closely at the picture he could see the remnants of a bruise fading on his cheek, a memory of an elbow to the face that Michael promised was an accident. Ben tried to not focus on it in the mirror, shifting his gaze instead to Michael’s smiling face, looking back at him as though he was the sun, “you’re so beautiful baby” he whispered to Ben, “I’m so lucky that you’re mine” he finished as he started to kiss at the back of Ben’s neck, lowering the arms he had around his waist to reach towards Ben’s crotch. “Come back to bed” he said as he smiled one last time at Ben in the mirror, Ben smiled back, took Michael’s hand and walked back towards the bed.

Later that morning Ben was laying in bed, Michael told him to stay there, he wanted to make him breakfast. It wasn’t very often that Ben was waited on so he happily took the opportunity to just lounge around for a while. He laid on the bed and stretched his limbs out in four directions, creating a starfish shape, but overstretched and felt a twinge in his hip again, he touched it softly and sighed. It seemed to be the place that Michael liked to hold onto him the most, whether it was in anger after an argument or during sex, it felt as though Ben always had a bruise on that patch of skin and he wondered if it ever had time to fade properly before a new one took its place. He rolled over and looked at the empty side of the bed that Michael usually slept on when he stayed over, he put his hand out and rubbed at the crumpled sheets while resting his head on the pillow. He loved Michael, or at least he loved him in the only way he knew how, grateful that there was someone who would put up with his shit. 

Ben was hard to love, he knew that. He was always causing trouble, doing dodgy deals with his dad, taking on stolen cars and risking getting in trouble with the law. Not many people would take him on, with all the baggage of his past and illegal activities of his present. Ben knew he had issues, he wasn’t a catch, he had little to offer a boyfriend. Knowing that a man as successful and good looking as Michael had shown an interest in him still blew his mind. Ok he might have a short fuse, but most of the time Ben provoked him, he had never been able to keep his mouth shut. It had gotten him into trouble more than one, acting the big man, pushing people and rubbing them up the wrong way. He didn’t blame Michael for losing his temper with him, he would lose it with himself most of the time. He just needed to make sure he was better, he wanted to be better for him, Michael deserved someone better.

Michael returned to the bedroom holding a breakfast tray and Ben sat up in bed, flattening out the quilt over him to make it easier for his boyfriend to put the tray on his lap. The breakfast was placed down over his legs, and Ben looked up to see Michael smiling down at him, he leaned down and kissed Ben’s forehead “tuck in baby, you earned it after this morning” he said winking at Ben as he smiled back. “Thanks Mike, this looks great” Ben said as he looked down at the tray, there was a slice of toast and a small bowl of Special K along with a dark coffee. Ben was reminded of Michael thinking he had put weight on and knew he didn’t especially want Ben to be eating too much. If Ben was left to it, he would be grabbing a sticky bun at the caff, maybe 2 if he were honest. Michael was doing him a favour, he didn’t want to let himself go, he wanted to look good for his boyfriend. 

Michael went round to the other side of the bed and climbed back in, he reached over and took half a slice of the toast he had made for Ben and started to eat it, “You don’t mind do you baby? You didn’t have much bread left” he then patted Ben’s stomach “and it wont do you much harm if I eat this will it” he finished as he took another bite of the toast. “Of course, go ahead, you can have the other half If you want” Ben told him and then picked up a spoon and started to eat the cereal. “Thanks baby, you’re the best” Michael reached out and took the other half of the toast. Ben made a mental note to go visit his mum later, maybe get a bacon sandwich and coffee for lunch once Michael had gone home, she was always trying to give him free food, he might as well take advantage of it.

Ben finished his breakfast and took the dirty crockery back out to the kitchen while Michael made the bed, and went to have a shower, “You can join me if you want” he suggested on his way into the bathroom, but Ben declined the invitation, instead opting to wash up. As he put his hands in the washing up bowl, his hands disappearing beneath the soapy water, he noticed a mark on his inner forearm. He pulled his left arm out of the water to take a closer look and realised it was 4 little bruises, with a fifth hidden further around his arm. He remembered on the way home the night before, Michael grabbing harshly at his arm as they left E20, gripping tightly as they disappeared from the view of Jay and Lola who had walked on ahead of them. As they walked along, the grip got tighter, digging into his flesh. Ben brushed at the marks, trying unsuccessfully to wash them away with the warm water, he took a deep breath and carried on with washing up the breakfast things.


	5. Chapter 5

A few weeks later, Ben had popped into The Prince Albert for a lunchtime drink, he knew his mum was going to be there checking up on things, and he thought he could blag a free drink. Michael was away with work, so Ben had most of the week to himself, watching the crap on TV that Michael hated and maybe eating more than he should in his boyfriend’s absence. Pretty much all the bruises that marked Ben’s body had faded, and with no Michael, no new ones had appeared. His family were pleased that Ben seemingly hadn’t gotten into a fight for a good couple of weeks, the last bruise on his face had faded properly just over a fortnight ago, and he had mentioned in passing that he said something flirty to a straight boy, just in case anyone happened to be curious, they weren’t and rolled their eyes at his idiocy. 

Luckily Ben’s mum Kathy was happy to let him have a couple of free beers, he was on his second one, lunchtime stretching into afternoon, sitting alone at a table when he looked up as someone walked into the Albert. Ben knew he recognised him, he couldn’t quite place him though. He was tall, his hair gelled to one side, bright blue eyes that he could see from the other side of the room and a smile that made you want to smile back. The guy was looking around the room, obviously searching for someone, and as he scanned his surroundings, his gaze met Ben’s who was looking directly at him, still trying trying to work out where he knew him from. Their eyes met and the small smile that was already on the man’s face broke into an even bigger grin, and he started to walk over to him. 

“Ben right?” He said as he got closer to Ben, “Yeah that’s right” Ben replied, still a little unsure who this guy was. The other man obviously knew that Ben hadn’t quite clocked on to who he was so he helped him out, putting his hand on his own chest he said “Callum, you spilt my drink at the club a couple of weeks ago”. Recognition crossed Ben’s face, “Of course! Sorry I’m terrible with faces” he offered in way of an explanation. “What brings you here on a weekday afternoon” Ben asked, “could ask you the same thing” he got in reply. Ben smiled, “my mum owns this place, thought I’d pop in for a quick drink to catch up” he told Callum as he pointed towards Kathy who was sitting at the corner of the bar doing some paperwork. 

“Your mum owns a gay bar?” Callum asked impressed, surprised at a parent being so supportive of their gay child. “She opened it to find me a nice boy” Ben laughed, “managed to find one without her help though, now I just come for the free beer” he said as he held his beer up as evidence. Callum remembered the man Ben had been with at E20, a little disappointed that he wasn’t single, but maybe… Ben was sat there alone after all. Callum was standing next to the table that Ben was sat at, he was towering over him and Ben was starting to get a bad neck from looking up. “Do you want to sit down” He asked Callum, “It’ll save my neck ache” he joked. Ben was just as cute as he had been that night in the club and he really wanted to ask him for his phone number. Callum was just about to take him up on the offer to sit down when a man walked into the bar and said his name. Callum and Ben both looked towards the door and clocked the guy that Callum was there to meet. 

“Shit” Callum whispered to himself quietly so nobody else could hear him. “Sorry Ben, my date has just walked in, but maybe chat to you later?” Ben looked indifferent either way, “Yeah sure, have a nice time”, he nodded at the man that was on his way over to them. He came up alongside Callum, placed a hand on his back and kissed him on the lips. Ben felt a little uncomfortable but didn’t know why, “Hi” the man said as he pulled away from Callum’s mouth, Callum seemed just as uncomfortable as Ben felt, glancing towards him, but just seeing a sweet smile on his face in return. He turned back to his date and introduced Ben “This is Rob, we were set up on a blind date, that night at E20” he supplied. “Ah yeah I remember, you look cute together” Ben replied. Callum and Rob both smiled. “I take it the set up is going well then?” Ben asked, “Yeah really well” Rob replied as he took Callum’s hand. “Shall I go get us a drink Callum” Rob suggested, gesturing towards the bar. “Ben, would you like a drink too? You can join us if you like” he offered. 

Ben was taken aback, he definitely wasn’t expecting an invite to join them, they were on a date. He thought of Micheal and wondered if they were on a date, would he offer to buy a drink for a stranger and ask them to sit with them? He figured no, Michael nearly always liked to have Ben to himself. He tolerated the odd night out with Ben’s friends, but it wasn’t his favourite thing to do. He would much rather have the pair of them crowded away in a corner of a pub, sitting up close to each other, touching if possible, hoping that nobody else was going to go and talk to them. Ben remembered the night he met Callum at the club, remembered that he had only been at the bar for a matter of minutes before Michael had come to find him. He probably spotted him talking to Callum and wanted to make sure the other guy knew he was taken. It was sweet that Michael loved him so much, he wanted everybody to know they were together. But then he remembered when they walked out of the club, and what happened when the got home. He figured he shouldn’t be talking to the same guy again and thought it was best that he left. 

“Nah it’s ok thanks, I have to get going, you two have a nice time though” Ben picked up his glass and swallowed the last of his beer as he gave a quick wave goodbye to the couple. He shouted his goodbyes to his mum and headed to the door. Callum was now in the situation he was in a few weeks ago, here on a date with a nice, handsome guy, someone he had met up with a few times and had even stayed the night with, yet all he could think about was the guy who just left. Callum didn’t necessarily believe in love at first sight, the universe intervening and all that crap, but he was beginning to wonder. Twice he had run into the same man when he was meant to be with someone else, and twice his mind had been completely distracted when he had walked away. 

He sat and talked to Rob for a while, he was a really great guy, Callum should be happy there with him, but he couldn’t get Ben out of his mind. When they finished their drinks, Callum offered to go get them another while Rob popped to the toilets. He approached the woman that Ben had identified as his mum and introduced himself. “Hi, I’m Callum, I er, know Ben. He was meant to be helping me to…” Callum’s sentence trailed off and he wasn’t sure what he was going to say, he was there on a date, Ben most likely still had a boyfriend, he couldn’t straight out ask for Ben’s phone number without it looking weird. “Oh was he going to help you with a car?” Kathy said helpfully, Callum thanked the universe for the intervention, “Yes he was, but I lost his card, can you pass on my number to him please, so he can call me when…” Callum trailed off again, but not actually knowing what Ben could do to help with him with any sort of motor vehicle. “Of course” she said, and tore a scrap of paper out of the pad she was working on, handing it to Callum. He wrote his details on it and passed it back. “Thanks” he said as he went to the barman to get a couple of drinks. He picked them up and went back to the table, where Rob had returned from the toilets, put them on the table and sat back down. Rob reached out to hold his hand across the table and Callum felt the guilt creep in. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for some violence in this chapter.

The next time Kathy saw Ben she passed on the scrap of paper with Callum’s number on it. Unfortunately she did it in front of Michael, so when she jokingly announced to Ben that she had the phone number of a cute guy for him, she didn’t realise what she was doing. 

“What?” Ben asked, eyes wide open when Kathy passed him the piece of paper, he looked down at the information on it and saw the name Callum. “It’s some guy who said you were going to help him with a car, he wanted me to pass on his number for when you sorted it for him” she said obliviously. Michael was looking at Ben, staring hard as though he was willing him to turn to him and explain what the hell was going on. Ben swallowed hard and turned to look at his boyfriend, scared of what he was going to find. 

Michael took the number out of Ben’s hand and read it. ‘Callum’ was written in big cursive writing with a phone number underneath. His mind was turning over, trying to work out where Ben might have met someone and wondering why he recognised the name. He smiled at Ben and Kathy, trying to keep the mood light, and making sure his boyfriend wasn’t tensing up beside him. He didn’t need Ben to start stressing out and alerting his mum that there was anything wrong. “Have you pulled baby?” He forced out a laugh, putting his arm around Ben’s shoulder and pulling him closer to him, “I’m not sure I want to share you honestly, you’re all mine” he kissed Ben firmly on the cheek before moving his other arm to give Ben a big hug, maybe squeezing him a little too tightly. 

“Ain’t he sweet Ben” Kathy said, marvelling at how cute her son and his boyfriend were. She had liked Michael straight away from the first time she met him. He was always polite when they were together, and the first time he had arrived at their home to meet the family, he turned up with an expensive bottle of wine and huge bunch of flowers. He easily conversed with everyone, able to talk about anything and everything that people wanted to talk about with him, making himself accessible and approachable to Ben’s family. He had been especially charming towards Kathy, he was good with mums it would appear, knowing exactly how to placate and reassure them that their sons were in good hands. She had mentioned to him that she hoped he would keep Ben on the straight and narrow, and maybe he would stop getting in so many fights, as she turned and touched the side of Ben’s face where there was a dark bruise. She didn’t know it was the man in front of her that had punched her son for accidentally shrinking his clothes in the washing machine two nights before. “You have to stop getting yourself in trouble Ben, this lovely man doesn’t want a boyfriend who is covered in bruises and looks like a yob”, Ben brought his hand up to touch at his mums hand which was still on his face, “yeah mum, I’m trying, promise”, he had smiled at her before turning and smiling at Michael too.

Kathy looked at the couple sitting in her living room now, and saw Ben happily leaning up against his man, wrapped up in strong arms and seemingly as happy as he could be. Kathy was so glad that he had found someone, she was starting to worry, he was always out on the pull, having a string on endless one night stands. She had been secretly worried that he was putting himself at risk and was terrified that he was going to end up hurt. Who knew what sort of men he was meeting up with, he could have come to some real harm. She was over the moon to find out Ben had found someone, a stable and loving relationship was exactly what he needed, and she was relieved to find out it was with someone like Michael. 

Ben felt slightly uncomfortable with Michael’s arms around him, he knew his boyfriend wasn’t happy and was trying to keep a lid on his anger, not wanting to make a scene in front of Kathy. He didn’t want that either, the last thing he needed was for his mum to be worried about him, so he tried to relax into the hug and smiled at his mum, showing her how happy he was. He put his hand on Michael’s leg and felt the tension that was there, it was cursing through his whole body. He really wasn’t looking forward to getting home later. Michael hugged him a little bit harder and Ben winced slightly. 

The walk back to Ben’s flat was in silence, it was still light out and they passed a lot of people on the street. A few people said a cheerful hello as they walked past and Michael nodded tersely in response with Ben following a step behind with his head down, not making eye contact with anyone. Then Jay walked up to them “alright boys” he said, “want to come out for a drink with me a Lo?”, Ben stopped long enough to say they were busy, but thanks, while Michael continued on ahead of him. Ben said to Jay he’d call him later and to say hi to Lola for him before he rushed off to catch up with his boyfriend. 

When he got to the flat, Michael was stood outside waiting for him, he didn’t have a key so had to wait for Ben to open the door. He glared at Ben as he inserted his key and undid the lock, before pushing him out of the way and storming in ahead of him. When they were both safely stood in the living room, Ben could feel the anger radiating off of the other man, he had his back to him and Ben could see he had a fist clenched. 

Ben wasn’t sure what to say, he didn’t want to say the wrong thing and make the situation worse so thought it was better to let Michael make the first move. He didn’t have to wait for long. “Who is Callum” broke the silence in the room. Ben wasn’t sure what to say, should he tell the truth? It was the guy from the bar the other night who he ran into again and had a quick chat with, or did he go with what his mum said, lie and pretend that he was sorting out something for him, he had the Arches and car lot as an excuse to use. He figured it was safer to go with the lie that had already been presented to him. 

“As mum said, I’m sorting out a part for his car, I need to let him know when it comes in so he can bring his car back” Ben told him. “You’re lying” Michael spat back. “I’m not, I swear, he’s just a customer” Ben pleaded. Michael turned round and looked at Ben, his eyes were raging, his lips were pressed tightly together and his jaw as so tense it looked as though it could snap. “He’s that guy from E20, I remember the name”, Ben felt his heart beat faster, suddenly sweating and looking towards the front door, beginning to wonder if he could make it out before something happened. “Yeah he was, I ran into him in the Albert, I was visiting mum, he mentioned about his car and I said I was a mechanic, I could sort it out for him” Ben rambled, trying to make a coherent sentence. Michael considered something for a minute, eyes staring at Ben and then he questioned, “so why would he be bringing his car back if he only just found out you ran a garage?” Ben went to open his mouth to reply but couldn’t think of a reason and looked back at his boyfriend before dropping his head to look at the floor, a growing panic in the pit of his stomach. 

Michael took a step closer to the smaller man, “why are you lying to me Ben?” He asked, reaching out to touch Ben’s chin to raise his face so his eyes met his own, “have you fucked him?” he almost spat out. Ben shook his head hard, his eyes were wide and he quickly replied, “I swear no, I haven’t touched him or anyone else Mike, I wouldn’t, I love you” Ben tried to reassure him reaching his hands out to touch at the front of Michael’s shirt, “I did run into him at the Albert, he was there with his boyfriend, I have no idea why he gave mum his number or why he said about a car” Ben was rushing to get the words out. Michael still had his hand on Ben’s chin, holding his face in place, and he looked hard into his boyfriend’s eyes, trying to work out if he was telling the truth or not. 

He took his hand away, waited for a minute and brought his clenched left fist around at speed, swinging it straight into the right side of Ben’s face with a loud crunch. The force of the punch sent Ben tumbling to the ground, the pain immediately spreading over his face and his hearing aid was displaced, shooting out of his left ear, flying through the air and landing a metre away from where Ben landed on the floor. Michael was standing above him and Ben looked up at him from where he laid on the ground and when he went to touch his face, he felt the tell tale warmth that told him that he was bleeding. Ben pleaded with his eyes to his boyfriend that he was sorry, and to please don’t do anything else. Michael looked down at the man he claimed to loved, drew his leg back and gave him a swift kick. Ben recoiled from the impact and tried desperately to catch his breath, the kick having knocked it out of him. He wondered if Michael was going to do anything else and tried to prepare himself in case there were any more blows. Instead the taller man knelt down next to him and cupped his face with hands, “don’t lie to me again Ben, what sort of relationship is it if you lie to me” he asked, Ben nodded meekly, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I promise, I won’t lie again” he begged. Michael seemed happy with the answer, got up and walked away from Ben, he paused long enough to throw over his shoulder, “clean that up, the blood will stain the carpet if you don’t get it out straight away”. Ben looked down at the carpet where he laid and saw the little puddle of blood that was dripping from his face. 


	7. Chapter 7

It took a few days before Ben ventured out of the flat again, he had told everyone he was ill, Jay took charge at the car lot and one of the mechanics kept the Arches ticking over for him. He didn’t feel up to seeing people, not wanting to see the disappointment in their faces that he had got into yet another ‘fight’. His mum especially had been pleased that he didn’t seem to be having so many altercations recently and he didn’t want the guilt when she looked at him with sad eyes. About four days later, Ben took himself to the Arches, opting to hide out there to work rather than car lot where he would be more likely to have to talk about his face. 

Luckily the black eye and cut on his eyebrow were healing quite fast, there was just a light brown mark with a yellow line running around the outside of it left on his face now, and a small scab which was thankfully well hidden amongst his eyebrow hairs. Michael had lovingly rubbed some arnica cream on his face and ribs the morning after. Telling Ben that he needed to stop doing things wrong because he didn’t want to keep having to set him back on the right path as he rubbed the cream in. Ben had closed his eyes and relaxed into the gentle touch of his boyfriend caressing his bruised flesh, feeling calm and enjoying the feeling of the soothing cream being applied. Michael placed soft kisses on Ben’s forehead, eyebrow, cheek and chest before moving his way down and to his groin. Michael was good at that, making it up to Ben after one of their fights. Ben never felt as loved as he did on those occasions, gentle touches to undo the harsh punches. 

Although the marks on Ben’s face had faded well, the one of his chest was taking longer to heal, he had to be careful if he breathed in too hard, as pain still flashed through him if he took a deep breath. Ben wondered if maybe his ribs had been cracked, or at least bruised, it wouldn’t be the first time. He was careful to not make a big deal out of it, trying not to reach for his chest if he moved the wrong way and jogged his injury. He didn’t want to draw attention to himself. Luckily the mechanic that was working that day wasn’t paying him any attention and didn’t notice when Ben flinched as he reached a little too far to pick something up from the corner of his desk. 

About 1PM, Jay poked his head around the door and asked if Ben wanted a lunchtime drink. He hesitated slightly at the fading bruising on Ben’s face but looked past it and didn’t mention it. “Sorry Jay, I’ve got too much to do, being sick for a few days means we have a bit of a backlog”, Jay rolled his eyes, “c’mon” he said as he walked towards his friend, “it’s been ages since we’ve had a catch up”, he reached out and slapped Ben on the back lightly and was surprised when he noticed Ben wincing. “You been fighting again?” Jay immediately assumed, silently judging his friend. Ben nodded, “yeah, you know me Jay” he gave a ‘what can I do’ look as he held his hands up in admission. “You’ve got to stop that Ben, Michael ain’t gonna put up with this shit for much longer. He’s a respectable guy, he doesn’t want a thug for a boyfriend, you’ll lose him if you don’t get your shit together” Jay chastised. “I know, I’m really trying” Ben said sadly, he meant it, he was really trying to stop making mistakes, he just didn’t seem to be able to succeed and was constantly doing the wrong thing. Jay looked at his friend and nodded his head towards the door, “c’mon Ben, lunch time!”, not mentioning the issue again. 

They went to the Albert for a drink, it was usually quieter than the Vic was at lunchtime since it only offered sandwiches rather than the hot meals the pub did. Ben wanted to run into as few people as possible at the moment, still feeling a little funky from the argument with Michael, and wanting to avoid a crowd. Ben grabbed a table while Jay went to bar to get their drinks and he looked up just as a familiar face walked in, holding hands with another guy. “You have to be fucking kidding me” he said to himself, shaking his head at his own bad luck running into Callum, yet again. It was the first time he has been out in days, how the hell was he seeing this guy. 

Callum spotted Ben sitting at a table straight away and had to fight the urge to smile brightly at him, he hadn’t heard anything after passing his number on and was disappointed he didn’t have a phone call. He wasn’t surprised though, after all he did seem to have a boyfriend and Callum figured he must be happy with him, he still hoped though. There was something about the other man that intrigued him, and even if he just wanted to be mates, he wanted to get to know him. Callum looked at Ben, he seemed to get cuter each time he saw him, but he also noticed a mark around his eye and wondered what happened. He had a slight bruise the first time he met him too and he hoped that everything was ok with him. Callum felt a tug at his hand so looked towards it and then to the man attached to the hand that was holding his. Rob was looking at him inquisitively, they had walked into the bar and stopped dead when Callum saw Ben, he was enchanted by the other man and Rob was trying to get his attention. “Did you want to go sit with him?” Rob asked, they weren’t exclusive and Rob wasn’t particularly possessive, he wouldn’t mind a crack at Ben either if he were honest. Callum smiled at Rob and nodded his head, “let’s grab a sandwich first” he said and they walked towards the bar to order their food and get some drinks.

Ben was trying to control his breathing when he saw Callum and the other man move towards the bar. He was willing them to not walk towards him, not wanting to deal with the situation. The two times he had spoken to the guy he had ended up with bruises, he didn’t want to risk that happening again. He was pleased when Jay returned to the table carrying their drinks, assuming that Callum wouldn’t come over to him if he had company. He was wrong, a few minutes later the two men walked over with their drinks and asked if they could join them, Jay gestured to the empty seats and they both sat down. Ben panicked, announced he had to go and quickly got up to leave. Jay tried to ask him what was wrong, but Ben waved him off and threw a general “sorry” and “see you later” to the three men that were now sat at the table he was vacating. The men watched him go and started to chat and introduce themselves.

Ben walked out into the street and was shocked to see Michael walking towards him, “hi baby” he said, “I came to take you for lunch but what’s his name at the Arches said Jay took you to the Albert”. Michael leaned down to kiss his boyfriend on the lips and then pulled back to see a worried expression on his other man’s face. “What’s up baby, you’re looking a bit pale” he asked with concern. “I was just feeling a little ill, I think the beer went straight to my head, I didn’t eat breakfast” Ben tried to blag as he attempted to direct Michael away from the Albert, praying that he didn’t spot Callum through the window. Being manoeuvred away from the bar, Michael could sense something was wrong, he stopped moving so he could take a look at the area that Ben had come from. 

He walked back towards the open door of the bar and looked over to a table with three men sat at it, he knew Jay, but next to him was a man that looked vaguely familiar. Michael turned to Ben and saw guilt etched all over his face, he was unable to meet his boyfriend’s eyes and was looking anywhere but Michael’s direction. It didn’t take long for Michael to make the connection as to who it was, remembering the man from E20 and the phone number. His hand shot out and grabbed at Ben’s wrist harshly, his fingers digging into Ben’s flesh. Ben cowered slightly at the contact, but tried to not draw attention to them, trying to keep things looking casual. “Home, now” Michael demanded to Ben before dropping his arm and storming off.

Callum had looked over when he noticed someone was stood in the doorway and watched the whole exchange. Ben glanced up, made eye contact with Callum for a split second but dropped his head and followed after the other man. Callum had a bad feeling. 


	8. Chapter 8

Callum and Rob stayed to talk to Jay for a while after Ben disappeared, easily conversing with their newest acquaintance. Jay even ordered himself a sandwich to join them for lunch, he found the other men fun to chat to and was happy to spend his lunch time with them both. Callum was waiting for the perfect chance to question Jay about Ben and to find out more about his relationship with his boyfriend. He didn’t like the way the other man had grabbed at Ben’s wrist, it looked as though it was hurting him. 

After another beer, Rob announced that he had to head off back to work, he told Callum to call him if he wanted to meet up later and he leaned forwards to give him a quick kiss on his lips. He held his hand out to Jay as he stood up and said it was nice to meet him, and he went off towards the door to leave. Callum waved him off, feeling a bit guilty that he was about to spend time trying to find out about Ben. But him and Rob were casual, so he wasn’t doing anything wrong, especially as he was genuinely concerned about Ben’s welfare. 

“You make a good couple” Jay commented, “really well suited”. Callum agreed in theory, they were perfect for each other, they had the same interests and the same opinions on a lot of things. Rob was helpful and kind, friendly to everyone and went out of his way to do things for people. Callum couldn’t see it as anything else than a short term thing though, but he thought Rob felt the same. A kind of ‘love the one you’re with’ situation. “Er yeah, it’s just casual, we only met about a month ago, so who knows eh” he said, shrugging his shoulders. 

“How long has Ben been with….?” Callum, forgot the name of the boyfriend, and wasn’t very smooth at bringing the conversation round to Ben. Jay quirked an eyebrow up at the question, surprised Callum was showing an interest considering he was just sat there with his boyfriend. “Michael” Jay filled in, “they’ve been together for just over a year”, then he added, “it’s the happiest I’ve seen him”, wanting to make it clear that Ben was out of bounds to the man sitting opposite him. “Do they live together?” Callum inquired. Jay was looking at him in confusion, “Look Callum, for the first time in his life Ben is happy, they love each other and it’s really none of your business. He clearly didn’t want to talk to you by the way he ran out of here, so just leave him alone OK”. Jay went to stand up, suddenly regretting getting to know the man who he thought was cool. “Sorry, I just…” Callum tried, but couldn’t think of a way to not make himself sound like a creep. “Forget it, catch you around Callum” Jay said as he left the bar. 

“Fuck” Callum said to himself. Pissed off that he made such a mess of things. He only wanted to check that Ben was ok and now he was coming across as some crazy stalker. He had liked Jay and was kicking himself that he had blown not only finding out about Ben, but also ruining a possible new friendship. He hadn’t been in the area long and needed to make some new friends. Just as Callum was cursing his stupidity, Kathy came walking into the bar. Callum thanked the universe silently and figured someone was trying to tell him something. He had lost his chance to find out information from Jay, but here was fate bringing Ben’s mum in to replace him! 

Callum plastered on a smile and went over to where Kathy was stood. “Hi again” he said as he stepped in front of her. She looked at him for a second and then remembered him, “ah the cute guy who left his number for Ben!” She replied, “did he sort your car out for you?” Callum froze for a minute, wondering what she was talking about but then remembered that that was his excuse to leave his number. “Not quite, still waiting for a part” he lied. Kathy tutted then, “just can’t get the staff can ya” she laughed. “Do you know where I can find him?” He asked nervously, hoping that she didn’t have the same opinion as Jay and think he was a weirdo. She didn’t seem bothered in the least telling him where Ben might be, “The Arches is round the corner, the car lot is across the square” and she ended by telling him the number and street name of his home address. Callum was relieved to have the information but was worried that Ben’s mum would hand out the info to a complete stranger. He just thanked god that this woman was apparently so trusting.

After thanking Kathy for her help he headed out onto the street, deciding to go straight to Ben’s home address. He figured from the way the boyfriend was acting, that they were more likely to go somewhere private to argue rather than go to a place of work with other people. It had been a good hour since they had left the Albert so Callum hoped that the worst of the argument was over by the time he got there. He made his way toward the address Kathy gave him and walked down the steps to get to the basement flat of a property that overlooked Albert Square. He went to knock on the door but heard shouting from the inside and paused his actions. “Damn” he thought to himself, he had hoped that things had calmed down, or better still, the boyfriend had stormed off in a strop somewhere. He couldn’t hear what the shouting was on the other side of the door, but it was mostly just one voice he could hear. He brought his hand up to door bell and pressed the buzzer, he needed to check for his own peace of mind that everything was OK. He had had friends in the past who were stuck in an unhealthy relationship, and he couldn’t walk away when he had a bad feeling about something. 

When he pressed the door bell the shouting stopped coming from inside the flat. He heard a rustling and then a lock on the inside of door was unbolted and the door cracked open. It was the boyfriend and he was smiling at Callum while holding onto the door, making sure it wasn’t opened wide enough to be able to look inside. “Can I help you?” He said as he tried to keep the unconvincing smile on his face. “I….” Callum started, but his mouth dried up, as did the words he was about to speak, as he looked down and noticed the bright red blood which was standing out obvious against the man’s crisp white shirt. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for violence

Ben had walked away from the Albert slowly, trying to delay the inevitability of catching up with his boyfriend and not wanting the argument that was guaranteed to ensue. Ben was wondering to himself why this Callum guy kept appearing and why did he keep trying to talk to him. It felt like Ben had barely said 50 words to the guy, yet he seemed to be trying to ruin his life. The first two times they had spoken he had ended up having an argument with Michael, and now he was about to have a third. He laughed to himself softly that the universe hated him, this bloke kept popping up and Michael kept catching him. Ben had no interest in cheating on his boyfriend, he loved him, he just couldn’t understand why Michael wouldn’t believe that and was so paranoid about Ben talking to another guy.

As Ben was getting closer to his flat, he started to feel his stomach tying itself in knots. The closer he got to home, the worse it was feeling. He stepped through the gate on one side of the square and started to walk through when he spotted Michael sitting on one of the benches looking thoughtful. He went over and sat down next to him and tentatively reached out a hand to place on the other man’s knee. Michael took one of his hands and put it on top of Ben’s letting it rest softly over it. Ben allowed himself to relax slightly with the gesture. 

“What am I doing wrong?” Michael asked sadly, “I love you Ben but you keep doing this, why are you flirting with someone else? Do you not love me? Are you trying to hurt me?” Ben looked at his boyfriend and felt his heart drop, disgusted with himself that he had made the man he loved feel like that. Ben twisted around on the bench slightly so he was facing the other man and reached up with his other hand to Michael’s face, brushing his cheek slightly with his fingers, guiding him to look at him. “I swear to you Mike, I don’t even know him, he keeps trying to talk to me and I walk away. I don’t want him, I would never want him. YOU are the only man I am interested in. I love you” he reassured him and then moved forwards to place a tender kiss on his lips before pulling back to look at him, looking deeply into his eyes and smiling, trying to get the truth across to him. 

Michael smiled back at Ben, he sighed and nodded his head, showing his lover that he felt better and was happy with what Ben was saying. He gave Ben’s hand a quick squeeze where it was still resting on his knee and put his other hand on Ben’s cheek to mirror his own actions, leaning forwards to give Ben a kiss back before touching their foreheads together and taking a breath. “Are we ok?” Ben whispered quietly, “Always” Michael whispered in reply, “Let’s go back to your place hey baby”. Ben felt relaxed and Michael grabbing at his wrist outside the Albert was seeming like a distant memory. “C’mon then” Ben said as he took Michael’s hand and they walked together the remainder of the way to his place. 

Ben put the key in the door and turned back towards Michael, the taller man put his hand around the back of Ben’s head and brought him closer to his face, placing a firm kiss on Ben’s temple before pulling back and smiling at him. It gave Ben the reassurance he needed to turn the key, that the storm had passed and it was going to be ok. As he turned his attention back to the door, the smile dropped from Michaels face, and he felt his rage bubbling up inside his body, desperately trying to remain calm until they were safely away from the prying eyes of everyone else on the Square.

They got inside and Ben walked into the living room and dropped the keys into the bowl he always put them in to keep them safe. Michael shut the front door and quietly moved the bolt over to lock it. Ben went and switched the TV on for some background noise and turned around to ask his boyfriend what he fancied doing for dinner. He was surprised when he saw Michael still standing at the door, his back to him, his hand on the bolt and he wasn’t moving, standing stock still. A strange feeling had descended on the room and Ben suddenly felt sick, feeling trapped and terrified of his boyfriend. “Mike?” He said, trying to keep his voice light, “You OK there?” He swallowed hard, desperately wanting to run and hide in the bedroom, but he knew ultimately that would make things worse. 

Michael turned to face Ben, his eyes were ablaze with rage and Ben felt himself take a step back unconsciously, but he stopped himself from retreating further, instead putting a smile on his face and trying to engage the other man, hoping that he could still talk his way out of this and avoid an argument. Michael took some steps into the room towards him, and Ben took a couple of steps forward to meet him, “So…. di di dinner” he stuttered out as he swallowed a lump that seemed to have formed in his throat, his mouth was suddenly bone dry. 

The taller man just looked at his boyfriend, glaring at him with contempt in his eyes and took a slight step back. Before Ben could say anything else, Michael reached out his right hand and put it on Ben’s left cheek, cupping it for a few seconds, allowing his thumb to stroke the patch of skin from Ben’s eye to his hairline. Ben tried to allow himself to relax, to hope for the best, but then Michael’s hand was moved away from his face and Ben watched as it travelled towards his left hand side. Before he knew it, Ben felt the sting on the right of his face. Michael used the back of his right hand to slap across Ben’s face, the ring that Ben had bought him for their one year anniversary was the perfect weapon, ripping the skin on Ben’s cheek as it made contact. 

Before Ben could react, he felt his knee go as Michael side swiped his leg with his foot and he fell with a thud to the ground, landing on his side. He landed awkwardly on his arm and yelped out quietly with the pain that shot through it. Michael knelt down to Ben and grabbed the material on his shirt, turning him over onto his back as Ben was trying to protect his injured arm. Michael managed to shove Ben into the position he wanted and was shouting in his face, screaming blue murder and accusing him of being a slut and making a fool out of him. He pulled Ben’s arms down on either side of him and straddled his body, using his knees to pin the arms in place, pushing down as hard as he could against the ground and ignoring Ben’s cries.

With Ben immobilised Michael was free to punch him, which he did once, twice, three times into Ben’s face, the third time made Ben feel woozy and his sight started to fade to black. Michael grabbed at his chin and shouted at him “Don’t you dare black out on me” before he gave him another slap on the cheek hoping to rouse him slightly, the movement spraying some blood and it landed on Michael’s shirt unnoticed. Ben managed to hold onto his consciousness and as he tried to weakly beg his boyfriend to stop, they heard the door bell ring. It was almost comical the way they both paused into position but then Michael warned Ben to keep his mouth shut and got up to go answer the door. 

He felt incredulous as he peeked outside and saw that fucking man stood on the other side.


	10. Chapter 10

Michael and Callum stood staring at each other, both surprised to see the other man looking back at him. Michael moved first, and went to shut the door quickly, but Callum managed to shoot his hand out against the door and to slip his foot into the door frame blocking the other man from slamming it shut. Callum was thankful that he was wearing sturdy boots or else the force of the door slamming might have done some damage. “I’m looking for Ben” Callum said when it became clear that Michael wasn’t going to be able to shut the door and they were at a stalemate. Michael simply stared at him, not wanting to budge an inch and refusing to let the door open anymore. “Is he in?” Callum tried again. After what seemed an age, Michael opened his mouth to say “he’s out”. Callum inwardly rolled his eyes to himself, knowing that he was being told a load of bollocks. “I heard shouting” Callum stated, he wouldn’t back down. “It was the tv” Michael bit back. 

This wasn’t getting anyone anywhere, Callum needed to get inside and see that Ben was ok. He knew he was in there and the other man was trying to hide something. He was genuinely worried about Ben’s safety, and he had memories of a friend he lost in a similar way, attending her funeral and wishing he could have done something to save her. “Look mate, I want to come in and see Ben now, if not I’m going to ring the cops” Callum said with determination, he looked the other man square in the face and made it very clear that he wasn’t bluffing, but Michael kept on with the denials, “He. Ain’t. Here” he spat out, getting more pissed off by the minute. 

Neither man was prepared to back down, but Callum really didn’t want to ring the police. He knew from experience that it wasn’t always the best way to go in these situations, when one of his friends had called the cops before, his friend had disappeared with her boyfriend and that was the last time they saw her alive. He had no other option, he was going to have to force his way in. He prepared himself and pulled the hand he still had placed on the door away, trying to let the other man believe that he was going to back off, and hoping that he would get complacent with holding the door against his foot. It worked and Callum noticed the door moved back ever so slightly as Michael relaxed his grip on it, so he took his opportunity, aiming his right shoulder towards door, and using all of his weight to ram at it. His body propelled through the doorway, and he knocked into the other man who hadn’t been expecting the action, barrelling him into the wall. 

Callum desperately shoved past him and scanned the room, wanting to see Ben and hoping that he wasn’t injured. But he couldn’t see him, the room was empty and there was just a television playing away to itself. Everything seemed to be calm inside, and Callum began to question his own ideas, wondering if just maybe he had wanted there to be something wrong, that he was inventing an issue where there wasn’t one, hoping that there was a chance Ben would be single sooner rather than later. He began to feel guilty, thinking he had been an idiot, that he was paranoid because of past experiences, but he was so sure. He saw Michael grab at Ben, it was harsh and he saw how Ben reacted to it. He didn’t imagine it, he was adamant. 

“See, I said he was out” Callum heard over his shoulder, he turned towards and voice and saw a smug look on the other man’s face, and he wanted to punch him. He thought he had won, had proven his point and that was it, Callum was just going to leave him to it. Michael went to open the door again from where it had slammed itself shut after Callum forced his way in, wanting to show the intruder the way out and wanting to slam it shut in his face. ‘No fucking way’ Callum thought to himself. 

He turned back to look at the flat again, there was an open plan kitchen and living room area and three doors that led off it it, all of them were open. ‘Where the hell is he’ Callum wondered, he went to walk toward one of the open doors and he felt a hand on his arm, trying to keep him in place. “Take your hands off me or I will break your face” Callum growled, he turned his head to look at the other man and looked him in the eye, demonstrating that he wasn’t exaggerating. Michael swallowed and removed his hand, he wasn’t used to people fighting back or standing up for themselves, in all the time he and Ben had been together, he had never been hit back, no matter how many times he hit the other man first. “Fuck this shit” he said, “you’re welcome to him” he finished as he turned and walked out of the door, pulling it shut with a bang behind him as he left. 

Callum took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. He might have seemed to be outwardly confident but he was terrified, he didn’t like violence and the last thing he wanted was to get into a fight with someone, especially with someone who in all likelihood was a violent psychopath. He headed towards the front door, sliding the bolt into place to make sure that the boyfriend couldn’t walk back in, even if he had a key. He needed to make sure that it was a safe environment with no threat of the other man returning, for his own sake as well as Ben’s. 

He calmed his breathing for a minute and walked towards one of the open doors, he poked his head in and saw it was a bedroom, neat and tidy with minimal furniture, just a single bed and chest of drawers, nicely made up as a guest room Callum thought to himself. He moved onto the next room and it was a bathroom. A damp towel was hanging over the side of the bath and there was a 9 pack of toilet rolls sitting next to the sink on the floor, but no Ben. He backed out of the room and walked towards the last open door, he paused before he went in and softly shouted out, “Ben? Are you in there? It’s Callum”, there was no response so he added, “Michael isn’t here”, hoping that it would reassure the other man and he would feel safe to come out. There was still no answer so Callum walked into the room expecting to see Ben sitting there. He wasn’t. The room was the master bedroom, a nice duvet cover was on the bed with some throw pillows and a few clothes were thrown on a chair in the corner.

“What the fuck” Callum said to himself feeling confused, but then he noticed a closed door which could have been confused for a walk in wardrobe and Callum found himself walking towards it. He raised his hand to the handle but hesitated and instead made a light fist and tapped it gently on the wood. “Ben?” He asked into the white door, hoping that Ben was going to reply to him and let him in. He didn’t hear anything coming from the other side so he tapped on the door again. “Ben, it’s safe, can I come in?”. Still nothing. This time Callum decided to state his intention to walk in rather than waiting for an invitation, “I’m coming in Ben” he said as he reached for the door handle. He pressed down on it slowly and went to open the door. There was a creak as the door opened and Callum made sure to push it as slowly as possible in case it spooked the man on the other side. 

As the door was opened, Callum took a step inside, it was an en suite bathroom, white tiles on the floor and walls with a shower in the corner. Callum noticed some drops of blood on the clean white floor and his stomach lurched, scared of what he might find and terrified that Ben hadn’t answered him because he couldn’t. He took another step into the room and looked around the door, seeing the sink first and then a figure sat on the toilet. His breath hitched at the sight as Ben raised his head to look towards him. His face was covered in blood, he had cuts all over it and one of his eyes was already swollen shut. He was cradling his arm and Callum noticed that both arms were forming bruises, big dark bruises and Callum shuddered as he realised it was probably where he had been pinned down somehow. 

He stepped closer to Ben and wanted to reach out to touch his shoulder to let him know he was there, he couldn’t tell if Ben could actually see him, let alone recognise who he was. As he got closer he quietly announced himself again, “Ben” he said softly, “it’s Callum” as he touched his hand to Ben’s shoulder. There was a slight jump at the contact, but Ben looked towards the voice and managed to focus the one eye that wasn’t swollen on the face in front of him, looking confused and scared. “Let’s get you an ambulance” Callum told him as he took his phone out of his pocket. He dialled 999 and kept his hand on Ben’s shoulder, hoping that he would find the contact comforting. As he started to give the details of what was happening to an operator he noticed Ben had started to cry, his tears mixing with the blood on his face. Callum’s heart ached. 


	11. Chapter 11

Ben spent a couple of days in the hospital, Callum was his only visitor as he had made him promise to not tell his family what happened while they were waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Ben had been so upset at the time that Callum would have promised him anything, wanting to reassure him that he was there for him and it was all going to be alright. As far as Ben’s family were concerned he had gone away for a few days on a last minute romantic break with Michael. He had asked Callum to text his mum, Jay and his dad from his phone to let them know, not feeling up to it himself, especially now that one of his arms was in a cast. His mum text back, cooing at how amazing Michael was and how lucky Ben was to have him. Callum had to keep his temper in check and not text her back to say that the perfect boyfriend was beating the crap out of her son. Ben hadn’t heard from him since he stormed out of the flat. 

When it was time for Ben to go home, it was early afternoon on a Thursday and Callum said he would come to pick him up. When he arrived at the hospital, Ben was sat on the side of the hospital bed, worriedly chewing on the thumbnail of the hand on his good arm. Callum thought to himself how young he looked, with nobody watching him and without the bravado. Even when he had gone to visit him, and it was just Callum sitting next to his bed, he would try and put up a facade, playing the part and not wanting to show any weakness. But now, with Callum stood in the doorway, watching him unaware, he looked like somebody he just wanted to wrap up in his arms, kiss his hair and keep him safe. He knew Ben would hate it if he knew that, not wanting to come across weak to anyone, especially not Callum, who was the only person to see him in a vulnerable state like this.

Callum coughed from the doorway to alert the other man that he was there and Ben looked up towards the noise. When he saw it was Callum he had a mask come down his face, trying to change the way he held and presented himself. Callum wondered what had happened in his life that he was so unwilling to let people see the real man, and to be so scared of being himself. “You ready to go?” Callum asked. Ben looked hesitant, not answering the question and sitting in silence while he turned his head back to look down at the hands he had in his lap. “What’s the matter” Callum asked as he walked over to sit in the chair next to the bed Ben was sat on. Ben didn’t answer for a minute, instead finding his fingernails fascinating, picking at the skin around the nail beds of the fingers sticking out of his cast. 

Callum tentatively reached out to put his hand on Ben’s knee which was bouncing up and down with nerves, trying to still the movement. Ben’s knee stopped moving and he lifted his head to meet Callum’s gaze. “I…” Ben tried to search for the words, “I don’t want to go home…”. Callum understood why, the last time Ben had been in the flat he had been viciously attacked, he didn’t blame him for not wanting to go back, he was about to reply when Ben added, “If someone sees me like this…” he gestured to his face, “they’re going to ask questions. I don’t want that yet. I need time to regroup, come up with a story”. Callum looked at the other man confused, “why don’t you tell them the truth? There’s nothing to be ashamed of”. It was the wrong thing to say. 

There was suddenly a flash in Ben’s eyes and he stood up quickly, wincing at the pain in his ribs that still hadn’t healed properly from before. Callum wasn’t sure what he said wrong, but as he watched Ben pace back and forth across the room, he wanted to rewind a minute and not open his mouth. “Ben…” he tried to get the other man’s attention, but he was in his own head, still pacing. “Ben” he tried again a little louder, still nothing, so he got up and walked over to where Ben was and tapped him on his good arm, that got his attention and he stopped walking and turned to face Callum. The anger in his eyes had dispersed slightly and Callum could see tears that were threatening to fall, but he couldn’t work out if they were due to frustration or sadness. 

They stood in silence, Callum waiting for Ben to talk first. He looked at the smaller man while the silence dragged on, taking in all of his features. His face was a mess, the beating from Michael still raw, obvious and painful. Ben’s eye was still nearly completely swollen shut except for the hint of a bloodshot eye hidden underneath it and there was a big dark purple bruise surrounding it, he had a nasty cut on his cheek, it was pink around the edges and he’d had a couple of stitches put in. The bridge of his nose had a cut too, as did his bottom lip which was slightly swollen with another bruise drawing attention to it. Callum was amazed that Ben hadn’t lost any teeth with the force of the punches the other man had thrown at him, and he winced to himself as he imagined the pain of the attack and the fear of not being able to defend yourself. Callum noticed though, away from the injuries were adorable freckles still visible on his nose, arguably more prominent against Ben’s currently pale skin, his good eye was a beautiful shade of blue and Callum loved the birth mark on Ben’s cheek, even if it was slightly hidden by the bruise travelling down from his eye. No matter what Michael did, he was unable to disguise the beautiful man Ben truly was, and Callum’s heart swelled with how much respect he had for the other man, he was beaten but he was still standing.

As the silence dragged on, Ben seemed to calm down somewhat and his eyes no longer looked as though they were about to spill tears. Callum reached an arm out and placed a hand on Ben’s arm, “what do you want to do” he asked, leaving whatever was going to happen completely up to Ben. “I don’t want people to see me” Ben stated, “at least until I look a bit better” he smiled sadly to himself, the cut on his lip pulling slightly, “can you take me home when it’s dark? Then nobody will see me like this”. Callum nodded, happy to do whatever Ben needed him to. “You can come back to mine til tonight if you want” he offered “You can go back later and nobody will see you", Callum was slightly worried it was going to sound strange. Offering to take someone so vulnerable and who barely knew him back to his flat. They had talked a lot over the last couple of days, but ultimately they were strangers still. Ben considered the offer for a minute, he might not know the other man much but he felt safe around him so he nodded his head, grateful that there was someone who was on his side for once.


	12. Chapter 12

They took a taxi back to Callum’s place, he didn’t have a car and there was was no way Callum was going to suggest public transport with the state Ben was in. Also, he was aware that the other man wanted to keep his current appearance as secret as he could so getting on the tube or a bus would be like holding a big neon sign for people to look at him. Callum jumped out of the taxi first, holding the door open for Ben and tried to help him exit the car as gently as he could, not wanting to jog any of Ben’s injuries. As they walked down the path towards the block of flats Callum told Ben not to expect much, “it’s just a bedsit” he said apologetically, a bit embarrassed that at 28 he was crashing in such a place, most of the other tenants were students or kids who had just moved out of their parents houses. Ben just looked at him and smiled, not really that bothered, he just needed to get inside and sit down. 

Callum unlocked the outer door and walked down the hallway, “its on the first floor” he said as he turned to make sure Ben was still behind him when he reached the stairs. Ben was there but he was looking up at the stairs, seemingly contemplating something. Callum suddenly worried, “are you ok to get up them” he checked. Ben considered it for a minute and replied, “I guess we’ll soon find out” he joked. Callum let Ben walk ahead of him, wanting to walk behind just in case Ben tripped or started to fall backwards. Ben tentatively reached out his good arm and gripped onto the bannister before taking a step up and then taking another. Callum took a step up behind him, holding his open palms in front of him, hovering them around Ben’s back just in case. Apart from a step that Ben nearly missed, his foot not quite raising itself up high enough, he made it to the first floor.

“It’s number six over there” Callum, pointed down the hall as he walked ahead and unlocked the door, he walked in and held the door open while Ben followed after him. “It’s not much I know” Callum tried to explain. Ben looked at him, “I don’t care Callum. I just need somewhere to lay low for a while, this is great” he smiled. “Is it ok if I sit down, those stairs took it out of me”. Callum shut the door, “of course, erm take the bed, that chair is shit, it’ll give you back ache”. Ben nodded and walked towards the bed and sat on the side of it, he leaned down to try and take his shoes off but it was too awkward with his bad arm. Callum rushed over to him, “here let me help you” he said as he knelt down and started to remove his shoes for him. 

“Why are you doing this?” Ben asked as he looked down at Callum crouching down on the floor. He wasn’t used to people wanting to help him for no reason. “You looked like you were struggling” Callum replied, thinking that Ben was talking about the shoes. The corner of Ben’s mouth quirked into a small smile and he clarified, “no, this” he gestured around the room and then to himself. Callum had gotten both shoes off, but was still kneeling down on the ground looking up at Ben with his hand resting on his knee. “You looked like you were struggling” he repeated and reached out to touch Ben’s hand. “I had a friend, she…” he swallowed, “she needed help, and I couldn’t help her. I can help you” he said honestly. Ben felt some tears prickle at his eyes and he bit at his bottom lip, he felt as though somebody truly wanted to help him for the first time in a long time. It felt as though there was somebody he thought he could tell the truth to. He looked straight ahead of him, concentrating on a peeling patch of wallpaper on the wall with a sad look on his face.

Admitting weakness was difficult for Ben, he could never tell his father what had been going on with Michael. In his dad’s eyes he was already a disappointment, a weak and pathetic loser. How would his dad view him if he knew he was with a guy that was hitting him, too much of a wimp to fight back. His dad was already embarrassed to have a gay son, he couldn’t take the look on his face if he knew there was something else wrong with his kid. It was easier to let him, let everyone know that he was just causing trouble and starting fights. Better to be thought of as a thug than a victim in the Mitchell family. 

But this guy, this Callum who he barely knew, and had only said a handful of words to, cared enough to track him down when he sensed he was in trouble outside the Albert, he probably saved his life. He went with him in the ambulance and waited with him in A&E, just sitting there, letting him know he was there and that he wasn’t going to leave him. He didn’t push Ben to talk, he just sat in silence being a calming presence in the room. The tense knot that Ben hadn’t even realised he had in his stomach loosened whenever Callum had walked into the hospital to visit him. The more time he spent with the other man, the less Ben thought about Michael and he realised he didn’t miss him at all. 

“I’m sorry about your friend” Ben said genuinely, “and you’re right, I am struggling, I have been for a while” he admitted honestly. He looked at Callum and gave him a small smile, thankful that the universe had brought the man into his life after all. Ben might have taken a couple of beatings for talking to him, but it feels as though he won’t get another one because of him too. Callum smiled back and stood up, “make yourself comfy, I’ll put the kettle on” he said as he moved towards the small kitchen area. Ben drew his legs onto the leg and swung himself round, carefully positioning himself before laying down in the only position he had found comfortable at the hospital and closed his eyes for a minute. 

Callum filled the kettle and switched it on before grabbing a couple of cups off of a mug tree. He put his arms on the worktop and took a few deep steadying breaths. The last few days had been a complete whirlwind, his life consisting of making sure a man he didn’t know was safe. He wish he knew what it was about the other man that he was so drawn to. He didn’t want to just save him, he had felt the pull from the very first time he laid eyes on him at the club, before he had any clue what the other man was going through. There was something about him that made him feel as though he was a moth being pulled towards a flame and he couldn’t explain why. He knew that Ben needed nothing other than a friend right now, and he was going to be that friend. He wanted to be whatever Ben needed him to be. 

The kettle clicked off and Callum asked Ben what he wanted to drink, but there was no reply so he turned around to ask again. Ben was curled on his side fast asleep, looking relaxed, Callum noticed it was the first time he had seen him look so peaceful since he found him in the bathroom at his flat. Callum walked towards where Ben was asleep and picked up a blanket that was thrown on the the end of the bed. As gently as he could he draped it over Ben’s sleeping form, he didn’t stir. Callum sat down in the chair and let him sleep. 


	13. Chapter 13

When Ben woke up it was dark in the room. He blinked a couple of times, trying to clear the blurriness that always greeted him when he opened his eyes after a deep sleep. He went to rub at them, forgetting about his injuries and hissed when he touched his swollen eye. The tender flesh sending a jolt of pain through Ben’s entire face, “fuck” he said to himself. He continued to try and blink the sleep out of his eyes as he raised himself into a sitting position, looking around the unfamiliar environment and forgetting for a minute where he was. The room was dark except for the dancing colours on the wall Ben was facing from a television set playing away with the volume turned down low. Ben could just about make out the sound of ‘This is me’ playing, and he turned to face the TV to see ’20 greatest musical songs’ written in the corner of the screen and he wondered if any of his favourites made it onto the list.

Ben couldn’t quite remember where he was, his mind a little fuzzy from the strong painkillers the hospital had discharged him with. He was due some more, the pain in his broken arm was radiating up and his shoulder was beginning to ache too. The knot in Ben’s stomach was back and he started to panic because of the unknown surroundings. He looked around to see if he recognised where he was and he spotted a man slumped in a chair sleeping. It took him a minute but he finally remembered where he was when he recognised Callum. Ben smiled at him as the other man’s cheeks puffed out slightly and Ben could hear the quietest hint of a snore coming from him. He suddenly relaxed then, knowing that he was in Callum’s home and he was safe. 

Ben needed a wee so he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and forced his aching body to stand up. As he stepped forwards he tripped over something and stumbled into the chair Callum was sitting in, waking him up with a jolt. Ben shot out his arms, clumsily reaching for something to grab hold of as he lost his balance, desperately trying to not end up on the floor. Callum was barely awake but instinctively reached his hand out to grab at Ben’s good arm, giving him enough stability so that he could stay on his feet. They both paused and looked at each other, Callum’s big hand holding onto Ben’s bare forearm, skin on skin and the colourful light of the music channel illuminating both of their faces. Callum didn’t know if Ben felt it too, but he felt electricity pulsing through his hand where he was touching the other man. Ben broke the moment and pulled his arm away quickly, rubbing at the patch where Callum’s hand has been. 

“Toilet?” Ben asked and Callum directed him to a door to his right. When Ben disappeared behind it Callum looked down at his hand, he still felt the sparks from where he had touched Ben and told himself to calm down, Ben needs a friend, not a lovesick puppy. Ben seemed to be in the toilet for a long time and Callum and could feel himself starting to drop back off to sleep when the door opened and Ben stepped back into the room. He wasn’t looking at Callum though, his head was down and he was looking at the floor, obviously wanting to avoid eye contact. 

“You ok?” Callum asked concerned but Ben didn’t reply. Callum went to stand up out of the chair but felt his back pull at the movement, “shit” he said louder than he intended, the crap chair had indeed given him a back ache, just like he warned Ben it would. Callum managed to stand up and twisted his arm around to rub at his sore back. Ben looked up then, concerned that the other man was in pain and moved to walk towards him. Callum noticed that Ben was idly rubbing his arm where Callum had grabbed a hold of him. It was only then that Callum noticed the ugly bruise and he suddenly realised why Ben had hid in the toilet. Michael had grabbed a hold of Ben there, he had dug his fingers in, kneeled on his arms and kept him pinned to the floor. While Callum, was making heart eyes and feeling the fireworks going off in his fingers, Ben had been having flashbacks. Callum kicked himself internally while Ben came to stand next to him.

“Are you ok?” Ben asked, copying Callum’s own question. “Yeah” Callum nodded, relieved that Ben was talking to him, “that chair is not designed for sitting in” he laughed, “bloody thing came with the bedsit, I never usually use it”. Ben ducked his head and apologised. Callum didn’t know what the other man was saying sorry for, but he realised that Ben was probably used to apologising for everything, trying to smooth over an argument and taking the blame because it was easier and safer. “Ben” Callum said firmly, “you have nothing to apologise for”. Ben was still looking down, “sorry”. he mumbled again and Callum’s heart broke a little bit. The tension in the room was broken when Ben’s stomach growled loudly and he moved his hand to rest on it where it was gurgling. 

“You hungry?” Callum asked even though he knew the answer, he was starving himself. Ben nodded and finally looked up to look at Callum, “yeah, I guess I am” he smiled. “Toast ok? I don’t have much in at the moment, I usually do the shopping on a Wednesday”, Callum had spent so much time at the hospital that he simply hadn’t had time to go to a supermarket, instead choosing to grab a snack from the hospital shop on his way home each day. “Yeah thanks” Ben replied before adding “sorry”, knowing he was the reason for Callum’s barren cupboards. “Go sit down, I’ll bring it over, but don’t sit in that chair” he reminded him laughing. 

Callum walked to the kitchen and switched on a light, their movements up until that point had been in the lowlight of the tv, and with the harsh overhead light coming on, both men squinted their eyes until their iris’ adjusted to the new brightness, “sorry” Callum found himself saying and he rolled his eyes at his own apology. When the toast was done he carried it over to the bed and handed a plate to Ben. It was piled high with slices, each of them with the thick layer of butter on. Ben was reminded of when Michael made breakfast for him, the meagre portion of cereal and toast that had been taken away from him. Callum saw Ben staring at the plate and felt the urge to say “the bread’s going out of date, use it or lose it” by way of explaining the big portion. Ben just smiled and said thanks before picking up a slice and taking a bite. 

They ate in silence, just the crunch of them both biting into their toast and the tv in the background to disturb the silence. When they finished Callum picked up the empty plates and took them over to the kitchen sink before placing them in the washing up bowl for later. It was only then he noticed the time on the clock and he turned to tell Ben. “Erm Ben its midnight” he announced, Ben looked back surprised and looked to be thinking about something. “Well I guess I should get back home then, I said I wanted to get back when it was dark” he said as he moved to stand back up. Callum took a step forward and brought his hand up to tell Ben to stay sitting down. “It’s a bit late, you can erm stay here tonight if you want, go home tomorrow” he suggested nervously.

Ben didn’t take much convincing, he settled back down on the bed and nodded his head. “I’ll take the chair” Callum offered before Ben looked over at him and told him not to be so ridiculous. “We’ll both fit on here” he said, and picked up the bag he had from the hospital and gestured that he was going to go to the bathroom to get changed before heading over to it. Callum quickly stripped out of his clothes and grabbed himself a vest and pair of pyjama bottoms to put on while Ben was out of the room. Ben came out of the bathroom with a similar look and went to sit back on the bed. Callum grabbed them both a glass of water and switched the light back off again before going back to the bed. Ben used his water to take a couple of painkillers, his arm was really starting to hurt, then he laid down back into his comfortable position, right up against the edge of the mattress, facing outwards with his back to the middle of the bed. Callum laid down on the other side and took up the mirroring position. There was a ghost of a touch between their backs where they met in the middle and they both dropped off back to sleep with ease. The music channel continued to play quietly in the background as Callum’s little snore started again and joined in with the music.


	14. Chapter 14

Ben ended up staying at Callum’s for a few days, falling into a comfortable routine of waking up, laying in bed together and talking before having an afternoon nap, watching crap tele, talking some more and sleeping again. Ben found it was far easier to talk to Callum than anyone else he knew, including his mum and best friend. Sometimes it was simpler to talk to a stranger, a third party who hadn’t been a part of your life before, knowing nothing of your dirty secrets or mistakes. He found he was able to tell him anything, the first time he dad hit him, his stepmother burning him, the kids at school and the guys in prison. Their back to back position on that first night had changed, and they now lay on their sides facing each other, quietly talking and sharing their deepest fears and brightest hopes. 

It took a while for Ben to start opening up about Michael, the memories far too recent and raw for him to deal with, but on the second night at Callum’s flat, the conversation landed on the subject organically. Ben spoke about the first time he had hit him, it hadn’t hurt much really, but the shock of it had stung more than anything. He remembered how his heart sunk when it happened, going from being happy to sad in an instant. Violence wasn’t a new thing to him, he’d had it his entire life, but it was the first time he had been hit by someone that he chose to be with. All the violence in the past came from people he had no choice with them being in his life, but for someone who he enjoyed spending time with to want to hurt him, it hurt his heart more than the actual slap did.

As Ben continued to speak about Michael, documenting the countless violent incidents, he couldn’t help but start to cry, Callum reached out a hand to wipe a stray tear coming out of the corner of Ben’s eye, his horizontal position on the bed directing the tear straight down onto the pillow. Ben closed his eyes at the gentle contact and when he opened them, Callum smiled kindly at him, looking understanding and not judging Ben for anything he had told him. Ben didn’t see pity in his eyes either, that was his biggest fear, being seen as weak or pathetic, he’d already been made to feel like that for most of his life from his dad and his household full of toxic masculinity. 

Callum laid next to Ben and let him talk about whatever he wanted, never pushing him into one subject or another but allowing him to bring up what he wanted when he felt comfortable enough. When the conversation turned to Michael he involuntarily felt his fists clenching in anger, hearing what that animal had done to Ben, he wasn’t worthy of being referred to as a man. Callum tried to keep his face neutral, not wanting the anger to show through in case Ben thought it was aimed at him. He had already learnt that the other man took a lot of things to heart, one word taken the wrong way was likely to make him shut down, he had probably had a lifetime of feeling worthless and unloved, Callum didn’t want to risk making Ben feel like it was anything other than a safe space for him. 

As Ben spoke of Michael, his face took on a childlike appearance, Callum couldn’t believe how young he looked. He imagined Ben as a little boy, beaten by his father and abused by his stepmother, let down by the people that were supposed to be looking after him. Callum listened as Ben spoke, letting him tell him things that he had never told anyone in his life, over a year of being in a violent and controlling relationship had left its mark, and not just physical ones. 

After a while, Ben had fallen back asleep, exhausted from the memories he had just relived and safely tucked up under Callum’s comforting blanket. Callum just lay there and looked at him. As the days had passed Ben’s face had started to heal. The eye that was shut could now be opened, not all the way as the swelling was still there but enough that Callum could see that eye was no longer bloodshot, but was back matching the other beautiful blue eye. The cuts on Ben’s face had also started to heal, the stitches in his cheek had dissolved and the others just had a little scab on now and the bruises on his face and arms were fading too. His arm was going to take longer to heal, and the emotional bruises, but Callum thought that once the physical injuries were less noticeable Ben would feel less vulnerable and happier to be around his family. Ben had expressed all along his desire to keep the whole situation to himself and Callum knew it was his decision to make and secret to keep. If he didn’t want to tell his friends about what had happened he had to respect his choice, Callum just wanted to be there to support him for as long as he needed it. 

Ben had received a few text messages from his family in the last week or so, first telling him to have a lovely time on his romantic mini break, but then he had messages from Jay and his dad in the last couple of days, annoyed that he still hadn’t got home and he needed to get his arse back to work, he had businesses he needed to deal with, there was only so long the other men were prepared to cover for him. Ben knew he had go back, as much as he wanted to stay in Callum’s flat where he felt safe. Being in a completely different place and not living his real life helped Ben to re-evaluate things. Even after Michael had beaten him the last time, he still loved him and he would probably still be with him now. If he hadn’t killed him Ben had to keep reminding himself, but for the year they had been together Ben had always accepted the beatings and he assumed he deserved them. Now, after going over things in his head, and time away from Michael, he realised he didn’t deserve any of it. He deserved better he could finally tell himself. 

When Ben got a voicemail from his dad, raging that he needed to get to the Arches and sort out the bone idle mechanics, Ben knew it was time to go home. He told Callum and the other man looked as sad as he was feeling about leaving. But he put a smile on his face and asked if he needed a hand with his things, knowing that Ben had to do what he had to do. Callum insisted on going with him, wanting to be there for Ben the first time he walked back into the flat where the memories of Michael would still be fresh. As the taxi pulled into Albert square it was dusk, the sun just setting and a gentle darkness was beginning to descend on the London suburb. Callum could almost feel the tension in the car as they pulled up outside Ben’s flat, the other man playing with the strap of his bag and biting his lip. Callum reached out and patted Ben’s hand, the movement making Ben look at him so Callum gave him a reassuring smile, which Ben returned. 

Once inside the flat, Ben switched on a light and looked around. The place seemed empty somehow, it was full of his stuff and was no different to how he left it, but Ben suddenly missed the small space at Callum’s, the shit chair that neither of them sat in and the mismatched bits and pieces that came with the furnished bedsit. He didn’t want to stay in his own flat anymore, it felt like a strangers place, not the home he’d Made for himyself over the couple of years. Ben looked to the sofa and pictured himself sitting there, curled up alongside Michael, his arm draped around him and playing with the collar of his shirt, happy. But then he looked to the living room floor and remembered being held down there, the pain and panic he felt when he couldn’t move and he felt a twinge in his arm at the memory. 

Ben took a deep breath and turned to Callum, “so, erm, thanks for everything” he said as he brought his hand up to scratch at the back of his head, suddenly feeling really nervous. He knew Callum had his own place and life he needed to get back to and didn’t want to take up any more of the man’s time. Callum looked at Ben, trying to read him and what he wanted Callum to do. He thought about saying, ‘yeah that’s alright, see ya round’ and letting Ben adjust back to his life, but he could see that wasn’t what he wanted. Instead he said, “it’s a bit late for me to get home and have dinner, do you mind if I grab a takeaway for us both before I go?” giving Ben the option of having someone with him for a bit longer without having to ask for it. 

Ben visibly relaxed at the suggestion and nodded enthusiastically before heading to a drawer to pull out a stack of takeaway menus. When they’d picked and eaten their dinner it was late, the delivery taking a lot longer to arrive than they thought it was going to, so Ben told Callum he was welcome to stay for the night. They took up their usual positions on the double bed in the master bedroom and fell asleep facing each other, both comforted by the other man’s presence and never even considering using the spare room. 


	15. Chapter 15

The next morning Ben decided he needed to go to work. His arm was still in a cast and his face was still bruised, but compared to a week ago, he felt like he could deal with the looks he was sure to attract from people, feeling just a little more confident about dealing with the questions. He’d had a year of making up excuses, this was just another one of those times. When it came time for Ben to go to work and for Callum to go home, both men started to feel the impending loss. They’d basically spent 24 hours a day together for the last 4 days and neither of them knew what it would be like to get back to their real lives. 

Ben opened the front door and they walked out onto the street, taking a few steps before they both stopped and Ben turned around. They stood and looked at each other for a minute, neither of them knowing how to say goodbye. Callum smiled and took Ben’s hand in his own, their joined hands hanging between the two of them. “Call me” Callum said, “anytime”. Ben nodded, “I mean it Ben, anytime. Day or night. You want to talk, I’m there. Want a drink, I’m there. Anything you need, just pick up the phone ok” he said as he squeezed Ben’s hand. Ben smiled and nodded, “I promise. If you’re not careful you’re going to have to change your phone number” Ben joked, and Callum saw a flash of something he didn’t think he was going to see. Ben cracking a joke, being cheeky, it was a delight and Callum wondered if this was what he was like before Michael. “Thanks Callum, this last week… I don’t know what I would have done without you” Ben admitted honestly. Callum gave Ben’s hand another squeeze and leaned forwards to kiss him on the cheek gently, Callum wondered if Ben could sense the feeling behind it. He pulled back and smiled again before giving his hand a final squeeze and letting go, walking across the road and through the square. Ben watched him walk away and felt his heart constricting, but he let him go, Callum needed to live his own life, he didn’t want to play babysitter to him and Ben needed to move on.

Kathy was walking past the square when she had spotted Ben standing outside of his flat with a man, a man that definitely wasn’t his boyfriend. She watched for a minute and noticed the intimate gesture of the man kissing Ben’s cheek. She wondered what the hell was going on, Ben had left to go on a romantic trip with Michael and now he was here looking very cosy with a stranger. She watched as the other man walked through the square and head down the market before looking back towards Ben and heading over to him. She wanted to know what was going on and why Ben had just said goodbye to a guy outside his flat at nine in the morning. She was very fond of Michael, he was always a perfect gent when he and Ben went to hers for dinner, and she was over the moon that Ben had seemingly settled down with a nice boy, no longer out meeting guys on hook up apps. If Ben has cheated on him, she was going to give him a slap round the head and knock some sense into him. 

As she walked toward him she could see Ben staring off into space, he didn’t notice his mum until she was pretty much right on top of him. Kathy noticed the faded bruises on Ben’s face first and then saw the cast on his arm. Her questions over the mystery man died in her throat and she was more interested in finding out what happened to Ben’s arm. She knew that he was always starting fights, she chastised him constantly in the past and she grew sick of having the same conversation over and over again. In the end she gave up, Ben was a grown man, if he wanted to get drunk and start a bar fight, that was on him. She was curious what happened to his arm though, why was he getting in fights when he should have been sharing candlelit dinners with Michael. 

“Alright love” she said, Ben had jumped at the interruption to his train of thought and spun around fast to see his mum. Ben felt himself tense but tried to remain as outwardly calm as possible. His mum was looking at him with a disappointed look on her face and he noticed that she was looking down at his broken arm. He wondered if she was going to ask what happened, it’s not like she’s questioned any of the other injuries he’s had in the last six months, but of course now was the time she decided to ask him. “What happened” she asked gesturing to Ben’s arm. Ben already had the story sorted in his mind and ready to go. “I got in a fight” he started, and as soon as he said those words Kathy rolled her eyes and interrupted him, “Ben what’s wrong with you, why are you always doing this” Kathy asked, exasperated by her son. “Someone said something about me and Mike, they called us queers” Ben lied, Kathy’s expression softened slightly in understanding, nobody should have to put up with homophobia. “But Ben, you can’t just go around fighting people all the time, Michael is going to get sick of it eventually” she warned. Ben used the chance to jump in “he already did” he announced. Kathy paused, mouth hanging open and suddenly she looked disappointed again. 

Kathy looked at her son and shook her head, “why Ben” she asked, “why can’t you just walk away. Michael was the best thing that ever happened to you and you’ve ruined things”. Ben inwardly cringed at the statement, knowing damn well that it was the opposite. His mum was looking at him expectantly, wanting for Ben to elaborate. “He had enough of me fighting, he couldn’t take it anymore. He hates violence” Ben felt nauseous at that last lie. “I tried to talk him round, but that’s it, we’re over” Ben announced. Kathy looked at her son sadly and reached an arm out to put on his shoulder, “you have to stop this Ben, before you come to some real harm”. 

Ben nodded at his mum, agreeing with her, she just didn’t know that he had stopped it and the person that could cause him some real harm was now gone. “What about that guy I just saw you with”, Ben’s complexion paled and he panicked, not expecting to have to answer questions about Callum, he hadn’t prepared a lie for that part of the story. He had to think on his feet quickly, it took him a beat but he started to explain that Callum had been at the bar and had overhead the exchange and the ensuing fight. When Michael stormed off afterwards, Callum had taken him to the hospital. Ben looked at his mum and she seemed to be buying it and she was happy with his version of events. But then she asked “but why was he just here, now”, Ben froze for a split second but answered “you know what they say mum, if you fall off the horse you’ve got to her straight back on it” he joked as he winked at his mum and smiled, putting on an act. 

Kathy rolled her eyes, “Ben Mitchell!” She scolded before smiling too. “Are you sure it’s really over with Michael, there’s no chance at all?” she wanted to double check, “yeah mum, that’s it, but I’m ok with that” Kathy looked disappointed, a look Ben saw a lot directed at him, but then she told him that as long as he was happy, then that’s all that mattered. He smiled at her and and gave her a small hug before telling her he had to get to work, Phil had already called him that morning to tell him to get his arse into work. He headed off feeling relieved, that’s one person told and he hoped the usual Chinese whispers would work their way around the square and he wouldn’t need to have the same conversation over and over. Usually once one person knew about someone’s private life, it became common knowledge pretty fast. 

As Ben was walking toward the Arches his phone vibrated in his pocket, he reached in and pulled it out to see he had a text message, he smiled as he saw it was Callum’s name on then screen and as he was about to open it to read, he looked up to see Michael stood at the swings next to the Arches and he was smiling at him. Ben felt his stomach clench. 


	16. Chapter 16

Ben felt sick. 

He tried to keep his head down and walk straight past Michael, trying his best to ignore him and not engage with him, but Michael took a couple of steps forward until he was close enough to reach out and grab at Ben’s arm. Ben pulled his arm away, feeling as though he’d been burnt by a raging fire and spinning around at the force of the action. He wanted to get into the Arches, away from the immediate vicinity of Michael’s orbit, but the other man called out “I’m sorry”. Ben’s foot froze in midair and rather than moving forwards and propelling him away from the situation, it placed itself down where it was hovering and refused to move again. Ben froze into place upon hearing Michael’s voice. He had heard those words before so many times and each time he believed them, wanting to believe they were true and that Michael truly was sorry that he had hurt him, at least until he had taken another slap to his face or a punch to the ribs. 

“Baby, I didn’t mean it” Michael said as he took another step towards him, Ben’s body stayed frozen to the spot and he was trapped listening to Michael, risking being taken in by the man’s lies as he reached out again and gently touched Ben’s arm that had the cast on. Ben didn’t feel the burn this time, the initial touch was a shock but now this was familiar and Ben started to feel the normality that was his life creep back in. Michael ran his fingers down the length of Ben’s arm, starting from where his hand was on Ben’s upper arm, all the way down and over his cast before finding Ben’s fingers and entwining his own with them. Ben felt a shiver go through his whole body but he couldn’t work out the feeling that caused it. Michael used the contact with Ben’s hand to draw him closer to him and Ben’s feet betrayed him by moving him forwards. When they were closer, Michael brought Ben’s hand up to his face and kissed the tips of his fingers before moving his head along and placing a kiss on the cast. “I’m sorry” he whispered into the hard material encasing his boyfriend’s arm before kissing it again further up. 

Ben closed his eyes at the soft touches, weakening in response. Michael was always good at this, gently apologising and making Ben feel loved, he felt like he could forgive anything when the other man was treating him like this, all soft touches and whispered apologies. Michael could see Ben was relaxing into his touch, his eyes were closed and his breathing was becoming more measured. He took his chance and leaned towards him, placing a soft kiss to Ben’s forehead before moving down to his mouth. Ben felt the lips on his own and the familiarity of it had his body responding, his lips opened and his arm started to move upwards to seek out Michael’s face. It was an action he had done so many times before his body was on autopilot. 

All of a sudden a loud ping from Ben’s phone cut through the moment and Ben jumped back as if something had given him an electric shock. He looked at Michael who was staring at him with a mixture of lust and arrogance and that’s all Ben needed to snap himself out of it. “I don’t want to do this anymore” Ben announced, surprised by his own forceful voice. Michael was as surprised by the statement, he was sure he could still talk him around though, he’s always made it up to Ben in the past and the other man had always forgiven him, he will do it again now. “Baby” he said as he took a step towards Ben but this time Ben’s body obeyed his mind and he took a step backwards, putting some space between the two of them, “no” Ben said loud and confident. “It’s over”. 

Michael went to take another step towards Ben but he put his broken arm out, extending it towards the other man with his hand in a ‘stop’ position. “I’m not doing this anymore Michael”, Ben deliberately used his full name this time to prove a point, Mike was no longer important to him. “This is stopping now” Ben continued as he used his other arm to point at his cast, making it clear that he was no longer going to accept the violence. Michael tried to argue back, said it would never happen again and that he loved him. He used all lines that usually worked and was getting increasingly frustrated that none of them were getting Ben to back down. Eventually he lost his temper and quickly stepped forward intending to grab at the other man, he got a hold of the bad arm and cruelly pulled on it harshly, Ben felt a pain shooting through it but managed to shake himself free, hurting his arm further. 

He still had his phone in his hand from where he got it out to read Callum’s text message and he managed to press in three digits, 999. He held it up to Michael’s face and hovered his thumb over the green phone symbol, threatening to press the call button. “I swear to god, I will call them” Ben said through gritted teeth. Michael hesitated slightly, Ben had never fought back before, usually submitting to what was happening to him, this was new and he didn’t know what to think. Ben’s face was determined. There was no way he was going to go back to how things were. He’d spent time away from Michael and spent time with someone who was nice to him, someone who put Ben’s comfort and well being above his own. He couldn’t let Michael back in, he’d spent the last week coming to terms with the realisation that the relationship wasn’t love, it was abuse. He owed it to himself to end this once and for all. He finally realised that he deserved better. 

“I love you baby” Michael tried but Ben shook his head and sighed, “this isn’t love. You don’t love me and I don’t love you” Ben stated, “you don’t hurt someone you love, and I can’t love someone who hurts me”. The two men stood and looked at each other, Ben was still holding the phone out in front of him and it was starting to ache. He slowly started to lower it and kept an eye on Michael’s face as he was watching Ben’s hand move away. “Goodbye” Ben said and smiled slightly as a final goodbye and turned to walk past the other man and head towards the Arches. Ben felt his heart beating quickly and he tried to keep his body calm as he walked away, half expecting Michael to follow him or to hit him from behind. But he didn’t. When Ben reached the door to the garage he turned to look where Michael was stood, they made eye contact for a second and Michael put his hands in his pockets and walked away. Ben let out the breath he had been holding, relief pulsing through his entire body. He cancelled the number on his phone and took it back to the notification screen to see a second message from Callum. Ben thanked his lucky stars that Callum had come to his rescue again. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter. I don't know if I will do a follow up at some point though. I quite like this Ben and Callum.

It had been a few weeks since Ben had last seen Michael, he hadn’t returned to the Square or tried to contact him in any way and Ben was thankful. At the time he had felt strong and determined but there was always the worry in the back of his mind that if he saw the other man again he could crack. They had been together for over a year, and yes while there had been a hell of a lot of bad times, Ben couldn’t help but remember the good times too. Ben still smiled to himself when he remembered the way Michael had organised a treasure hunt for his birthday, hiding clues around the flat and square, leading to his mum’s cafe which she had closed for the evening, a candlelit dinner in the corner with ‘Now that’s what I call musicals’ playing on Michael’s phone. Ben wished that it had always been like that, the thoughtful and kind man that he had fallen in love with rather than the cruel stranger who dug his nails into his arm, or slapped him around the face for reasons that always escaped Ben. 

Ben had been texting Callum daily. They shared boring details of their days and showed no end of enthusiasm for whatever banal messages they sent each other. On the day Michael showed up Ben had called Callum in the evening, relaying all the details of what happened and how he was feeling about it. Callum offered to come over, almost grabbing his keys and running out of his flat bare foot as soon as he heard that Michael had been anywhere near Ben, but Ben assured him that it was ok, he was ok. 

Ben’s family and friends questioned him about Michael, why had the split up, they were so happy, blah blah blah, but none of them had shown any real interest in the faded bruises and broken arm. Ben had been hiding in plain sight for so long that the truth was well truly buried. Now Michael was out of his life Ben felt happier and he knew he had a future without worrying that any little thing would end with him on the receiving end of a thump. The first night at his flat alone was nerve wracking, especially after his earlier run in, but he knew he needed to get over it and get used to being alone. He couldn’t spend the rest of his life scared or wishing that he was back in Callum’s flat. When he awoke in the morning he felt refreshed. He had slept soundly and reached for his phone to let Callum know the good news. 

He found himself texting Callum more and more often, if Jay did something stupid Ben sent a message to tell the other man, even though Callum didn’t really know who he was and only met him the once he enjoyed the continued updates. If Callum heard a funny joke he would pass it onto Ben. It felt as though they knew the ins and outs of each other’s lives more than their own families did. They had met up a couple of times during that time, a quick pint in the evening to catch up and check in with each other.

Callum hadn’t seen Rob since two days after Ben went home. Whilst Ben had been staying with him Callum had told Rob he was busy, and when they finally met up for dinner Callum’s heart hadn’t been in it, his mind constantly drifting back to the man with the blue eyes that had invaded his bedsit and his heart. Callum didn’t know if Ben would want to date him, he might not want to date anyone after what he had been through but he realised it wasn’t fair to string Rob along, so he stopped him mid date and said he thought they shouldn’t carry on seeing each other. Rob hadn’t been surprised and even asked if it was Ben. Callum looked shocked at the question but Rob wasn’t bothered, admitting that he fancied him too. Since they had only been casual anyway they finished their dinner as friends and agreed there were no hard feelings. 

Callum had been waiting for the perfect chance to talk to Ben about how he felt. That first week after the attack had cemented in Callum’s mind that he was head over heels for the other man. Seeing how broken he was and the physical and mental strength he showed in getting his life back together had made Callum’s heart swell. Ben had been so open and honest with him about himself that Callum felt as though he had known him his whole life. When he went home Callum had sat in his empty flat, sad at how big it felt. He’d always hated how small and dingy it was but now without Ben to fill it, it seemed vast and empty. Callum had wanted to go running back to get him but he managed to restrain himself, even after he heard that Michael had made an appearance and he wanted to go punch his lights out. Instead Callum was happy to have whatever Ben was willing to offer, phone calls, text messages and the odd drink as friends. He wasn’t prepared to ruin the friendship he had built with Ben by trying to push for more. 

Six weeks after the incident, which is how Ben and Callum referred to the attack, Ben finally had the cast taken off his arm. He’d gone to the hospital for an X-ray to check if had healed and when they confirmed that it had the damn thing had been taken off. The bruises on his face had faded completely, as had the ones on his arms, and there was just a small scar that was barely noticeable on his cheek. Now the plaster cast had been cut off Ben felt as though the last link to Michael had finally been removed from his life. While it was still on his body Ben had felt linked to him, but now it was gone he felt free. On his way out of the hospital he called Callum and asked him if he wanted to meet for a drink. Callum of course jumped at the offer. 

Later that evening, after Ben had managed to wash off the 6 weeks worth of grime that had congregated under the cast, he went to meet Callum at then Vic. He had suggested meeting closer to Callum’s place but he had said he didn’t mind getting the tube over to meet him. When Ben arrived Callum was already there. He looked up as Ben entered the pub and felt his heart beat faster, just seeing him made his heart race and he swore he fell a little bit more in love each time he saw him. Ben looked good, really good. His face was completely healed now and his expression was open and approachable. He no longer needed to wear short sleeved shirts and t shirts because of the missing cast and now he wore a proper shirt with both cuffs done up. Callum noticed that he held himself with confidence and he walked into a room as if he owned it. It felt as though this was Ben he was all along and Callum was very pleased to meet him. 

Callum stood up from his seat in a slightly awkward manner and waved his hand to get Ben’s attention before realising he looked like an idiot and sat back down. Ben had seen him as soon as he walked in and was already on his way over before he’d been waved at and he laughed to himself as he got to the table and could see Callum was going pink with embarrassment. ‘Adorable’ he thought to himself. He purposely waved at Callum with his now healed arm and made a point of not only taking the piss out of Callum’s little wave but also show off his fully functioning limb. Callum laughed at the display and stood up to greet the other man, giving him a friendly hug hello. He definitely didn’t smell Ben’s hair as they embraced. 

Callum told Ben to sit down and he’d go get him a drink. Ben watched as Callum went to the bar and settled down onto the bench that Callum had managed to secure. He had noticed Callum briefly put his face to his hair when they hugged and felt butterflies in his stomach at the contact, Callum’s arms around him and his face so close to his. He’d been having feelings for the other man for a little while, going from grateful for his help and friendship at the beginning to feeling attracted to him the more they spoke to each other and chatted shit via text. The times they had met up Ben kept feeling the urge to reach out and touch him, putting his hand over his or grazing his face with his fingers. He’d resisted it though, not wanting to make the other man feel uncomfortable. 

Now Ben knew the other man better, he thought he was beautiful, having never allowed himself to it notice before. It felt as though his light blue eyes saw right into Ben’s soul and his face was always fixed in a friendly and happy smile that had Ben wondering how any one person could be so joyful. But he knew the answer, Callum had a beautiful personality to go with the perfect wrapping. Now Ben felt that he was truly free of Michael he decided it was time to talk about how he was feeling towards him. He didn’t want to freak Callum out and ruin what they had though, Callum had been an amazing friend and he didn’t want to ruin things between them so he was nervous to bring up the subject if Callum only just thought of him as a mate. He found if hard to imagine anybody wanting him after Michael, would Callum really see him as something other than a victim?

Even though he didn’t want to think about it, Ben found it hard to shake the feelings of inadequacy and thinking he was damaged goods. Michael had seen through his bravado and saw the weak person underneath, but Ben was really working on how he saw himself. He’d admitted to Callum he had started to see someone to talk to, a professional, feeling slightly embarrassed. But Callum encouraged him and said it was brilliant, he hadn’t judged him or thought him weak but rather told him how strong he thought he was, and was pleased that he was talking about things and admitting how he felt. Ben of course hadn’t told his family, they still didn’t know the truth about Michael and he certainly didn’t want to out himself that that he needed help, especially not to his dad. Callum was the only person in his life that he shared all his secrets with and he hoped that the other man knowing everything about him wasn’t going to put him off. 

Callum paid for the drinks and brought them over to the table before putting them down and sliding onto the bench next to Ben, both men feeling the body heat of the other man up close. They caught each other’s eyes for a second and looked away embarrassed and laughed a little, both feeling slightly nervous and that there was a charged atmosphere between them. Ben reached out and picked up his drink and held it out to Callum, he copied the action and they clinked their glasses together in cheers before taking a sip. Neither man could speak up about what they were both feeling, instead choosing to chit chat and not talk about anything important, but enjoying each other’s company. They cheered their next round to Ben’s healed arm and celebrated new beginnings smiling at each other.

By the time they finished their third round a couple of hours had gone by and Callum had to head home. The unspoken feelings they both had were going to remain unspoken, neither of them feeling brave enough as they were equally worried about losing the friendship. Ben and Callum would rather have unrequited feelings than risk losing each other completely. They headed towards the door and said their goodbyes when they stepped out into the street. The fresh air hit them both and the alcohol they had consumed seemed to dissipate. “Well I guess I’ll get off then” Callum said as he ran his hand through his hair nervously. “Yeah” Ben said as he kicked at something invisible on the ground, “text me when you get home yeah” he said as he looked up and Callum nodded. Callum stepped towards Ben and put both his arms around him, Ben returned the movement and allowed himself to be held, closing his eyes and allowing his face to fit into the crook of Callum’s neck, feeling like they fit together perfectly. 

They might have stayed in that position a little longer than they were intending, but Callum pulled back first and gestured his head backwards to demonstrate that he was heading off in that direction. “Call ya later Ben” he said as he turned to walk towards the tube station. He only got a few steps away when he felt a hand on his arm and heard a soft “Callum” in his ears. He stopped immediately, his arm tingling at the contact from Ben, and turned back to face the other man and Ben’s hand fell from his arm. They looked each other in the eyes and both felt as though their hearts were going to burst out of their chests they were beating so hard. There was a tension between them and they were unsure which of them was going to break it. Callum opened his mouth to speak but before he could say anything Ben spoke first. 

“I love you”

Callum froze and his eyes searched Ben’s face for confirmation of what he heard, not believing that he had actually heard those words and it was his own voice screaming in his head. His breathing started to get faster and he thought he was going to pass out. Ben took the silence as Callum’s way of telling him that he didn’t feel the same way and he cursed himself for being so stupid. He put his head down and whispered “sorry” as he turned away from Callum and started to walk away. Callum saw Ben turned and finally managed to kick his brain and body into action, quickly stepping after him reaching out and gently putting his hand on Ben’s shoulder, “no wait” he said as he encouraged Ben to turn back round to face him, Ben kept his head looking down unable to meet the other man’s eyes after his admission, feeling embarrassed and foolish. Callum raised his hand to Ben’s face and cupped his cheek but Ben continued to look down. 

“I love you too” 

Ben looked up then and saw Callum had a tear in his eye and a smile on his face. He was looking at him with pure adulation and Ben knew that he hadn’t ruined things, he had just admitted want they were both feeling and he smiled back at the taller man. He reached out his hands and grasped the material on the front of Callum’s shirt and closed the distance between them to press their lips together. It felt as though his brain was exploding, so many feelings swirling around all at once and the world around them faded away. They opened their lips and deepened the kiss as Callum’s other hand came up to hold Ben’s face. They felt like they were in a romantic movie, it was cheesy as hell but they didn’t care, this was the beginning of their happy ending. 


End file.
